Last night I went to kiss Wendy and...
"Argh! Your mustache crawled up my nose and stabbed me!"
"Ummm, how is that possible? It isn't that long right now."
"I don't know, but it attacked me."
"Okay, how about kissing like this instead..."
"Ow! It did it again. Why have you set your mustache on Aggressive?"
"Fine, I will set it to Passive."
"Why is it attacking me?"
"Should I trim it short?"
"No, then it will just stab me in the lips instead."
"How does it even do that anyway? Also, why did this never happen until a few years ago... I have had this goatee for 16 years."
"I don't know but keep it away!"
Given that my mustache is apparently engaged in savage assaults against my wife's lips and inner nose?!? I think it is time to try out the clean shaven look for a while. I have had my goatee since I was a teenager with only two very temporary reprieves as far as I can recall and both were on Hallowe'en. The first was to dress up as Mulder from XFiles to be part of a Mulder/Scully costume team and the other was to dress up as Hobo to be part of a Sky/Hobo costume team. Now boldly I go to the land of the whipped man where I shave my precious facial hair to please my lady. Next thing you know she will be wanting me to get a job or something...