tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10867648766290360452024-03-16T14:52:26.794-04:00A Bright CapeSky talks about Psychology, Philosophy, Economics and Atheism.Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.comBlogger1529125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-30704897373221277592023-12-07T00:32:00.000-05:002023-12-07T00:32:02.439-05:00Among UsThis is post 3 in my Coming Out series.<div><br /></div><div>When I first started realizing that I was pan/bi/queer I wanted to write about it immediately. I process feelings best by putting them down in text, particularly when I am shipping them out to the world. However, I decided that I shouldn't make a big coming out post until I had actually, you know, had sex with a man.</div><div><br /></div><div>I should make sure I actually know what I am talking about before I go and make a big scene about it, or so went the thinking at the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Trouble is, I started thinking about how I would go about having a first time, and that was stressful and felt bad. It didn't seem like the right thing to do for some reason.</div><div><br /></div><div>While I was wrestling with the right way to approach this situation I ended up watching the queer musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When the movie ended I was awash in tears, struggling to contain the emotions swirling within me. The base emotion was all about the queer men in the show, feeling connected to their story and struggle, feeling their fear and joy.</div><div><br /></div><div>That base emotion led to a further emotion of tremendous vulnerability. Now I have a trait that can reduce me to tears effortlessly, and make me weak to attack. Now I can be more easily hurt, but honestly I am not worried about people coming after me for being queer. What hit me hardest was that people could use that as a lever against those I protect. A cornerstone of my identity is myself as guardian of those I love, and the feeling that now I am worse at that because of my vulnerability was a tough thing to cope with. My loved ones deserve an invincible juggernaut holding the line, not a weepy mess.</div><div><br /></div><div>I knew this vulnerability existed before, for other people. I could have described it clearly. There is a big difference between *knowing* a thing and *feeling* a thing though, no doubt about that. I have spent my life having so much privilege, and having some of it suddenly vanish was quite a thing to adjust to.</div><div><br /></div><div>The next feeling in the cascade was a terrible case of impostor syndrome. Why do I deserve to claim this identity at all? I haven't actually gone out and had sex with a man, I haven't been discriminated against because of queerness, how can I be having all these feelings when I don't really belong? I felt like a ridiculous fraud, trying to be in a space I had no business occupying.</div><div><br /></div><div>This feeling makes no sense logically. When I was 19 I had never touched a woman in a sexual fashion, but I sure as hell knew I wanted to have sex with Gillian Anderson. (Scully from the XFiles). I didn't need to have sex with her to be sure! I have friends who are bi/pan/queer who have only had sex with one sex/gender and I certainly accept their identity, because you don't have to have sex to have the attraction. If someone tells me their orientation I accept it, I don't ask for pics as proof.</div><div><br /></div><div>So why do I have such a harsh standard for myself, when I would never apply it to anyone else? I know what I want and who I am, and that is all that is required.</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course I can determine logically that my feelings are irrational, but that isn't exactly a ticket to not having feelings anymore.</div><div><br /></div><div>What I can do though is decide that I should write a coming out post regardless of what I have or have not touched. I can proclaim an identity that I couldn't prove in a court of law, but which I know to be valid and true. I can also just accept that there is no need to rush, no benchmark that must be met. I can run out and get it on if I want, or I can wait five years for just the right man to show up and rock my world.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know where the path leads, but I am on it, 'qualified' or not. Here I go. </div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-31244599317097193102023-12-03T20:06:00.002-05:002023-12-03T20:06:28.882-05:00Words are hard<p>This is part 2 of my series of posts where I came out as bi/pan/queer. Describing what happened to me is weird and complicated and language does not do a great job of letting me say what I mean. Note here that when I say attracted in this post I mean sexually, not platonically / aesthetically or otherwise.</p><p>The most obvious example is that I now describe myself as bisexual because I started being attracted to men. Seems fairly obvious, but men refers to a gender, and gender has never been a thing that affected my attractions. For a while I have used Christina Hendricks (a curvy, conventionally attractive actress) as my model of the physical ideal, in terms of my attraction. If she asked me for sex I would sure say yes, and if she followed up with 'also, I am a man' I would say 'sure thing sir, shall we smash genitals then?' Pronouns, clothes, roles, performance, all that stuff that is part of gender simply doesn't register. Bodies, on the other hand, do.</p><p>Okay, so I could say instead that I wasn't attracted to males, and now I am. Still, then we run into the problem that I don't mean XY chromosomes, because I don't know anybody's chromosomes, and I don't mean what gender someone was assigned at birth, because that doesn't matter to me. How a person appears now matters, but how they appeared in the past isn't a factor. Sex and gender are complicated, and while they have a bimodal distribution, they sure aren't binary.</p><p>To be actually precise I would have said in the past that my attraction was strongly oriented towards people that have the set of physical secondary sex characteristics common in female humans. That doesn't exactly roll off the tongue though, and I am sure some people would find it offensive that I reduce my attractions to simple body parts. Clearly there is a lot more to it than that, as the brain is always the sexiest thing.</p><p>So this helps some in describing what changes have occurred in me. Nowadays I could say that there are still bodies I am attracted to and others I am not so much, but the ones I am into don't conveniently correlate with biological sex or gender.</p><p>All this mess and struggle is why I aesthetically like queer as a descriptor. It says I don't roll the way the standard man does, which is true, but it doesn't make any attempt to narrow it down.</p><p>On the other hand, the word bisexual gives the average person a pretty accurate picture of what I am like. It just has all this stupid baggage that irritates me.</p><p>I am attracted to some humans and not others. There are patterns in who I am attracted to, but those patterns are complicated and finicky and I don't even know what they are, not really. English (and every other language, I think) simply doesn't handle that stuff well at all. Each attraction is different, and so maybe I need a word for each one, which obviously is stupid and impossible.</p><p>The key takeaway here is that every time I use a word for an orientation, gender, or set of characteristics you can be sure there is a whole blog post of backstory and clarification behind it, and I just can't possibly fit all that stuff in. I want to communicate, and English is the tool I have, so I am going to try to do communication with it, even when it is messy and wrong. I really want a society where gender and sex and orientation just aren't a big deal so if our words are slightly inaccurate that doesn't matter much. I want them to be like colours - sure, 'dark blue' isn't super accurate, but mostly we get what it means, so whatever, no problem.</p><p>That isn't the society we live in now though, so for the moment I am stuck obsessing over terminology surrounding attraction and knowing that no matter which thing I choose it is going to be wrong somehow. There is no right answer, no matter how hard I look. I know what I like, I just don't know how to tell people what that is!</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-65735883789828458662023-12-02T23:21:00.001-05:002023-12-03T20:06:46.170-05:00Crooked<p>In August 2023 something new happened to my brain. I felt it clearly, and described it as 'A key turning in a lock, and a door opening'. I felt a clear image of a door slowly rumbling open, looking like a tomb door in an Indiana Jones movie. I could feel the dust shaking down, and just barely begin to see through the crack... and what I saw behind the door was pretty gay. Not gay as a perjorative, but gay as in 'Damn, men are *cute* now!'</p><p>I have always been straight. I tried a few experiments with men over the years, admittedly fairly modest experiments, and the result was simply 'meh'. It wasn't objectionable, it just didn't have the magic. I have liked the idea of being bisexual / pansexual / queer for a long time, but my instinctive reactions just didn't do the thing. I figured that is just how I am, the way I got built. You can be as comfortable with skydiving as you want, but if you feel bored when you jump, find a new hobby.</p><p>Over August and September I consciously felt my brain rewriting itself, smashing old pathways down and opening up new ones. Every week I felt more comfort with attractions to men, more desire to try that out, and identified more with queer men in media.</p><p>I haven't even acted on this yet in any physical way, and yet I am organizing queer musical nights, watching Elton John biopics, and then deciding I *have* to get myself some of those clothes.</p><p>I have also felt my emotions changing. For many months now I have been more overtly emotional, more easily brought to tears from shows or speeches, and regularly overwhelmed just by thinking about things in my life that used to be no big deal. It isn't that I am unhappy, far from it, just that the highs are higher and the lows are lower. I suppose that might not be linked to the sudden change in orientation, but the timing certainly looks suspicious.</p><p>What I haven't done is stopped being interested in women. I haven't suddenly gone full gay, I just flipped over the menu and saw some great new stuff on the back I never knew about before.</p><p><br /></p><p>The thing I really want to know is why this happened now. I have been thinking hard about the various things that happened to me over the past year, and there are a few candidates for causes, but the evidence is circumstantial at best. I got a rainbow tattoo, at the time as a show of solidarity to the queer people in my life. I painted the fence of my house rainbow for the same reasons.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2zYQzyv8gXHCT_a7xN8YDbDZjI-rgEmJO-jelLrb7SEBPmdlPVtmOt-ZhsywPNzvpnOqkZlWqYFFbJeKoiEVSQGLspEHacTuLC5gVA50_A1otVv_KQVJJf3s4ESCqZASsozyJn0CXo5WsvhPBKPgQXQexzEYpGaLG9PT9KlIX3b5GE__ZKJugeeeHdwyL/s4080/PXL_20230819_175341203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="4080" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2zYQzyv8gXHCT_a7xN8YDbDZjI-rgEmJO-jelLrb7SEBPmdlPVtmOt-ZhsywPNzvpnOqkZlWqYFFbJeKoiEVSQGLspEHacTuLC5gVA50_A1otVv_KQVJJf3s4ESCqZASsozyJn0CXo5WsvhPBKPgQXQexzEYpGaLG9PT9KlIX3b5GE__ZKJugeeeHdwyL/w400-h301/PXL_20230819_175341203.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />That painting job was neat in that the children seeing it loved it, and most of the adults thought it was cute... but a couple adults saw the rainbow and absolutely lit up with joy. You sure could tell the adults who were queer and got hit right in the feelings.<p></p><p>But none of that is a cause for a brain rewrite. I just don't know why this happened, and I don't know why it happened now. I was raised in a homophobic era, with the AIDS epidemic combining with regular old bigotry to make 'that's gay' the standard default insult. My family was comfortable with touch and accepting of differences, but the kids at school and media at large told me the rule is: You don't touch another man except with a closed fist, you don't talk about feelings, and you don't ever admit you might be attracted to a man. Even if you get good messaging at home, that sort of thing leaves marks, and maybe it just took me 30 years to tear those walls down.</p><p>Again though, that is an explanation, but there is no proof.</p><p><br /></p><p>One thing I think about is how my story feels different than most I have heard. Mostly the story I have heard is 'I knew I liked women, but I couldn't really admit it to myself, and definitely couldn't admit it to others'. My story doesn't sound like that. I was straight until I wasn't. That doesn't make it wrong or anything, just different.</p><p>I also didn't hesitate to write a coming out post, even though I haven't actually done anything measureable yet. Several people who are close to me couldn't quite puzzle through why I would do this. They don't think I should lie or anything, they just didn't understand why it was anyone else's business. Nobody should care, and I don't owe the public anything, basically.</p><p>I have two reasons for writing this. The first is my desire to set an example. Every person who comes out makes it incrementally easier for the next people to do so. Every example of living loud and proud removes a small burden from those who wish to follow that path. I don't claim that everyone is obligated to be out - it is a personal choice for each of us. I, however, have partners who love me, family and friends who accept me either way, and security from the rest of the world. If anyone should be out, I should be first in line.</p><p>The second is that I only want people in my life who know me. I want to spend my time with those who know all of me and love what they see. If someone doesn't want to be with a queer man, then I absolutely want them to go away. I think many people are afraid that is they come out, their friends will go away. I, on the other hand, am afraid that if I don't come out I will spend time around people who don't like the person I am. I want to live openly and truthfully, and I know there are people that will want to be with me as I am.</p><p><br /></p><p>Words can be tricky. Bisexual is the most accurate, clear term. Pansexual is pretty similar, but less well known. Queer has a lot of aesthetic appeal, but lacks precision. I figure I will use them all depending on the circumstance.</p><p>I intend to write more posts about this. There have been some powerful emotional moments over the past few months and I want to talk about them. Also this transition has given me new insight that I want to share. I do hope that the renovations in my brain slow down a bit though - it has been a lot these last couple months.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-15085081013334205072023-07-20T13:40:00.000-04:002023-07-20T13:40:49.333-04:00I want to feel rich<p>When Wendy and I sold our condo and bought a house we got to see a lot of staging. In Toronto over the past 20 years staging has gone from a thing a few people do to being the standard. I have complaints about how staging works and what things it promotes (classism! rabble rabble) but the tricky thing about staging is that it isn't easily defined and it gradually slides from completely reasonable to icky without a clear dividing line.</p><p>I will admit at the outset that we staged our condo to sell it, so while I will complain about staging and its effects, I couldn't turn it down personally. I know that the staging process made me money, so despite how destructive it is, I wasn't willing to toss away tens of thousands of dollars on principle... especially when our real estate agent included staging for free.</p><p>At the beginning you just have cleanup. You want to sell your house? Clear that old junk off the porch, mop the floor, pick up the laundry. I can't see any reason to complain about that. You want someone looking through the place to be able to see what they are getting and feel comfortable. The trouble is you keep on doing things that seem reasonable and eventually your place has been repainted neutral white, is filled with expensive furniture, decorated with fancy art, and completely unusable because all of your tools and gear have vanished. It is sterile, boring... and looks like the place a rich person might live. The kind of person who has taste in fine art, pays other people to do the work for them, and thinks garish colours are SO last year.</p><p>That is the part of the process that grinds my gears. The stagers tried to tell us that we had to repaint everything so that the prospective buyers could see themselves living in our space, but I think that is nonsense. We weren't trying to let them see themselves... we were trying to trick their brains into thinking of our condo as a rich person's residence.</p><p>The buyer wants to be rich, and they love the vision of themselves as a rich person, so we designed our place to facilitate that dream. We put up ugly, shapeless modern art because that is how people in our economic bracket think a rich person's home looks. I am sure that if you are selling a higher end home the staging process changes; you want to make the house look like a person that has twice that much money lives there. The ideal staging makes the person who is looking to buy that place feel like it is better than the price would suggest, but not too much better, or it triggers cognitive dissonance.</p><p>Wastefulness bothers me. I hate that we had beautiful colourful walls and we had to paint them all white. I hate that we had to install laminate flooring because that is what is expected at this price point, even if plenty of buyers aren't particularly interested in laminate floors. So much of staging is doing work that will immediately be undone just to shove money one direction or another. I like doing things to improve a building - I hate doing them solely as a trick.</p><p>The trouble is we are all trapped in a destructive cycle of game theory. We are playing prisoner's dilemma, except that we only play it with any given opponent once, so everybody defects all of the time. Nobody has an incentive to cooperate, and the real estate people have every incentive to get people to spend more to raise the selling price because they are paid a percentage.</p><p>Even though I can see how this ends up screwing everybody over (except the real estate agents....) I don't see a good way out of it. People are emotional and foolish and as long as they desperately want to increase their social status and houses are expensive then staging and other trickery will take place. People want to be rich and powerful and a person's home displays that status clearly. While these things hold, we are going to continue to try to make our homes look like an Important Person lives there, and we are going to continue to waste our collective resources to achieve that.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-18616865761318247732023-06-10T13:29:00.000-04:002023-06-10T13:29:28.561-04:00Fancy houseShopping for a house was an enlightening experience. My internal voice definitely yelled <div><br /></div><h1 style="text-align: left;">CLASSISM!!!</h1><div><br /></div><div>many, many times. The most obvious culprit, I think, was the letter that we were asked to come up with the first time we put in a bid on a house. We had only been actively looking for a week when an amazing house came on the market, priced way under its realistic value. It had a ton of room, a basement I could stand up in with room to spare, and was right next to a subway. We ended up in a bidding war with another potential buyer, and our agent asked us if we wanted to submit a letter to the owner to try to increase our chance of being accepted.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have to give my agent credit here. She made it clear that these letters have problems, and in some areas they are illegal, but she had an obligation to tell us our options. She sent us some samples, and those samples made me angry and sad at the same time.</div><div><br /></div><div>All the samples were staged photos with staged stories, all saying the same thing: We are a conventional, attractive young couple, doing a conventional life, and we are so grateful for the opportunity to bid on your home. The grovelling was the worst.</div><div><br /></div><div>If I was being honest my letter would say "My spouse, child, and my girlfriend are moving in together. We are making an unconventional sort of family that makes us really happy, and I think this house will give us a great place to do that."</div><div><br /></div><div>Sending exactly the right letter can add significantly to the effective value of your bid. Sending my honest letter could easily erase my bid entirely. This is why these letters are not allowed some places, of course, because they often end up enabling bigotry. White people who own houses preferentially sell to other white people. Other privilege ends up working the same way, naturally, and since straight, conventional, etc. people own a disproportionate share of the houses, this puts another barrier in the way of people who aren't that.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the end it didn't matter. The seller and the buyer discovered that their mothers had the same name, and that was enough to convince them it was fate, and we didn't get the house. In the end, that was a good thing, as the house we did get was not as good (mostly because the basement is short), but the location is better and the price was far more manageable. There was no second bidding war as we were the only bidders the second time around, so we didn't have to do face down the letter thing again.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can see the angles. I could have just made up the perfect letter, bought into the classist bullshit, and sold my ass off. I know how to sell! I know exactly what lies to tell, should I want to. Instead, all I wanted to do was to write down "I am offering you a ton of money, take it or leave it, but don't expect me to grovel for your damnable charity, or pretend that your house is going to continue on being a bastion of your values."</div><div><br /></div><div>When we sold the condo our agent told us that the bidder was a mathie of some sort or other. My response was "I don't care in the slightest. Show me the money." It turns out that I am the sort of person that I want to deal with in real estate. Who knew?</div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-76806590167880832272023-06-03T12:15:00.000-04:002023-06-03T12:15:01.939-04:00I am prettier now<p>Over the last 8 months I got two new tattoos. They are a lot more obvious than the previous ones as they are located on my forearms, and like my previous arm tattoos they are a set. This time the set theme is roots and wings. Here is the first:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpieqKo0gsQnq2JCVnvqkoUwBsMztmbZcNKxCwk2XF3hkfwZltrKqnMYKNitVy3Mnrq_EgGeWEthUtjHj4ZP5uJhTi1KMu053gsNkfBBjVMHfiapYIWN6JcTBe4DFGFlZjVsOhGu4lM0hr3BLSayaRF1W30Cn2NR92VO9e_Nx53jB2UuBcxN7JJxw42w/s4032/20230523_164127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpieqKo0gsQnq2JCVnvqkoUwBsMztmbZcNKxCwk2XF3hkfwZltrKqnMYKNitVy3Mnrq_EgGeWEthUtjHj4ZP5uJhTi1KMu053gsNkfBBjVMHfiapYIWN6JcTBe4DFGFlZjVsOhGu4lM0hr3BLSayaRF1W30Cn2NR92VO9e_Nx53jB2UuBcxN7JJxw42w/s320/20230523_164127.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p>The blueberries are on my left arm and they represent my origins. I have memories of picking blueberries with my family, especially when I climbed up to the rapids on the Kam river above Kakabeka Beach. Walking across giant exposed hunks of Canadian Shield to find blueberries growing in little dips where the dirt accumulated is a powerful memory of mine, and I did this many times growing up.</p><p>We even had special machines my family built to clean and process the blueberries. After a big berry picking session there would be coolers full of the berries to deal with, and we had specially built berry cleaning tools. They were basically a ramp to pour the berries down with a bucket at the bottom to catch them. Halfway down the ramp was a grate the berries would roll over, and a fan blowing through the grate would send all the sticks and leaves flying away, cleaning the berry haul.</p><p>The blueberries remind me of where I came from, the people that helped raise me, and the connection to the land and knowledge of nature that I still retain small pieces of. It is where I came from - the family I was born into.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggo9FgrgM_VPzwmcOEFg8-8v6I-AuBoz5CSbfZO7QQMtqu8N8deZQXMvTCD3LG6-rpX2Z_m0mNrMn6e3PK3Ij9ITUXzyGwBwpwiNmxiBrfsB0tANmFuwGg30zHzZMf_nLVNOz2c2T181zpjjdbN9gWvvVO0OJcKaZ8zoAICcITxSVb9f9iSnrjmBVAlA/s4032/20230118_172419.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggo9FgrgM_VPzwmcOEFg8-8v6I-AuBoz5CSbfZO7QQMtqu8N8deZQXMvTCD3LG6-rpX2Z_m0mNrMn6e3PK3Ij9ITUXzyGwBwpwiNmxiBrfsB0tANmFuwGg30zHzZMf_nLVNOz2c2T181zpjjdbN9gWvvVO0OJcKaZ8zoAICcITxSVb9f9iSnrjmBVAlA/s320/20230118_172419.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p>The other tattoo is where I chose to go. It is an icosahedron, unfolded from a 3d shape into a 2d map on my arm. The numbers come from a d20, a standard die used in roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons. The d20 represents the games I love to play, the unfolding reflects my mathematical training. I have told people that when I die I want it cut off my arm, folded into a die, stuffed, and put on a mantle somewhere. Perhaps it can be rolled when a particular important skill check needs to be made, or when ogres attack.</p><p>The colours on this tattoo are a representation of the people who now surround me. I am quite straight, unfortunately (I recognize that being queer is a struggle, but I have had a few exciting offers, and if I was bi I could have taken full advantage!) but there is a lot of queer in my house, and I wanted to have something on my body showing my support and solidarity. In particular I wanted to send a message to Pinkie Pie that cannot be mistaken - I will put my effort and attention (and fury, should it ever come to that) into taking care of them no matter where on the rainbow they end up.</p><p>The rainbow d20 reminds me of what I have decided to do, the skills I have honed, and the family I have chosen.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-76723503861264275832023-06-02T11:49:00.001-04:002023-06-06T01:06:26.584-04:00A few things to say<p>I haven't blogged in quite a while. I have mostly felt like there isn't much to say that isn't already being said better somewhere else - unless I spend a tremendous amount of time on a thing I might as well just post a link to someone who already wrote something similar but better.</p><p>However, my life recently underwent a huge change and during the change I found a lot of things that made me want to rant about classism, so to the internet I go! I have a couple of posts I want to make, firstly just talking about what is up with me right now, and then the rants will follow. I have no idea if this will mean I generally continue to blog or not.</p><p>I bought a house! I am now living on the Danforth in Toronto, right near Pape subway station, on a quiet side street. It is hard to take a good picture of it because of the cars and trees in front, but here it is:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq0YCAGlhrUV_AvXVJBtxtyqJzjuFEVMHu2IW2trBiniUCrvVfuK6fuo2Nujlv0es0y_eHrNlBpYEBWtBEf7CXz0dQ1O5F6gz7_iqlGtmdq13lrwsnxwRpzYMVH_0jOYWG4ZC8HW1pxCaOGflg-FsbDLk0i6aSaiNxsmJP9DbeoVFxdRdao6C-snqA1A/s4032/20230517_092201.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq0YCAGlhrUV_AvXVJBtxtyqJzjuFEVMHu2IW2trBiniUCrvVfuK6fuo2Nujlv0es0y_eHrNlBpYEBWtBEf7CXz0dQ1O5F6gz7_iqlGtmdq13lrwsnxwRpzYMVH_0jOYWG4ZC8HW1pxCaOGflg-FsbDLk0i6aSaiNxsmJP9DbeoVFxdRdao6C-snqA1A/s320/20230517_092201.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p>There are many complicated feelings about the house. I love what it is, and I think it will be a grand place for my family. However, I have feelings about sustainability and good urban planning that put a damper on the celebrations. In big cities having people all live in single family dwellings is a problem. I would have preferred a large condo instead of a house. Unfortunately there was simply no condo available that would work for us because people don't build big condos for families - they are built for couples/singles. I needed 4 bedrooms, and that is a tall order for a condo.</p><p>The second big change, definitely related to the first, is that my family changed. The Flautist moved in to the house with me, Wendy, and Pinkie Pie. I have been polyamorous for ten years now, but my living situation always looked conventional, and now it doesn't. That makes things complicated, because now when I meet the neighbours or Rogers installers they assume that The Flautist is my daughter. This has led to some awkward (and sometimes hilarious) moments.</p><p>We were all happy to be building a new family, but it is complicated. Other people have questions, and we have to thread the needle between being open and informative, and stonewalling questions that are invasive. It isn't always easy to determine which category a given question belongs in.</p><p>I like my new life. Houses are SO MUCH WORK though. I don't know how I will ever get through my jobs.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-19269871517660902162023-04-07T01:17:00.001-04:002023-04-07T01:17:35.702-04:00Fingers and toes!<p> Back to the Lounge, my annual gamer reunion, is happening this Easter Friday.</p><p>I normally post here about it much earlier, but as you may note, I haven't posted in a year. That aside, this is the 20th Back To The Lounge event where UW gamers go back to the Comfy Lounge to play games for a day.</p><p>20, you may note, is the number of fingers and toes I have, which means it is special, and everyone should show up.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-22013842458983173562022-03-13T14:56:00.010-04:002022-03-13T15:00:33.273-04:00A return to normalFor the past twenty years I have been running an annual reunion of gamers from my university crowd. We go back to the Comfy Lounge where so many games were played back in the late 90s and early 00s and catch up, gamble, and gab.<div><br /></div><div>The past two years we had to do it online.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are advantages to having this sort of event online of course - there is a certain smell that you can never completely remove from the Lounge, and you don't have that in a video call. However, it simply isn't the same. Just being in the room and overhearing people yelling about great rolls or terrible luck in a distant game is a huge part of the joy, and you just can't get that online.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also hugs. Those don't work well online either.</div><div><br /></div><div>This year I am determined to go <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1085702502000014/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[%7B%22extra_data%22%3A%22%22%2C%22mechanism%22%3A%22left_rail%22%2C%22surface%22%3A%22bookmark%22%7D%2C%7B%22extra_data%22%3A%22%22%2C%22mechanism%22%3A%22calendar_tab_event%22%2C%22surface%22%3A%22bookmark_calendar%22%7D]%2C%22ref_notif_type%22%3Anull%7D" target="_blank">Back To The Lounge</a> properly, and it seems that the government is cooperating as Ontario will have rolled back its covid regulations by the time the event takes place.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is going to be *weird*. Tons of people, in a room, all breathing near each other! </div><div><br /></div><div>It does raise all kinds of questions for me though. It is clear that legally speaking we won't require vaccination or masks, but I don't know for sure what rules the university will have. It may be that university rules end up deciding how I have to run the event, but if they don't I am not sure what I should do.</div><div><br /></div><div>If I just say "Everyone welcome, do what you want" I may lose people who aren't yet comfortable going without masks, or who are worried that unvaccinated people might attend. If I try to insist on restrictions, I might lose people who aren't interested in masking anymore. (Also I have no legal authority to enforce any restrictions at all!)</div><div><br /></div><div>There is going to be a lot of adjustment to the new normal. My crowd of people leans pretty heavily towards vaccination and caution in terms of covid, so it may take awhile before everyone gets back to being easy with being around other humans.</div><div><br /></div><div>I, on the other hand, am *completely* ready to grind my naked body up against as many humans as possible, revelling in the breath and sweat and goo and raw physicality of it all. I have spent two years now in hiding from covid, and I am so ready to be done.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wBNy6CPtV8g" width="320" youtube-src-id="wBNy6CPtV8g"></iframe></div><br /><div><br /></div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-69673171512463462472022-01-14T13:39:00.001-05:002022-01-14T13:39:33.981-05:00A great ending, and a terrible one<p>Recently I finished the final book of the Expanse series. Having seen many long series end up either in limbo or finished badly I was a little concerned that it would finish up a giant mess - I needn't have been concerned. The Expanse finished wonderfully, tying up the loose ends well, giving the readers insights into the story that we have long been waiting for, and wrapping up character arcs in appropriate ways.</p><p>It was quite the contrast to the other space adventure series I finished recently - Battlestar Galactica - which shambled to a disastrous end that tainted the entire series.</p><p>I won't spoil the the final book of the Expanse here, though I will assume you have read most of the books already. Galactica though, I will spoil ruthlessly.</p><p>One of the key things that has to happen for a finale to work is that the authors have to reveal solutions to some mysteries that have continued throughout the story. To do this you have to have a plan. The Expanse writers clearly had a plan. There were many unknowns about the two alien races in the series, including how exactly the war between them played out, and a lot of those gaps were filled in. More importantly, they were filled in with information that fit everything that came before. All of the things that happened during the series fit with the information in the final installment, and you can see the consistency of the rules of the world.</p><p>Galactica though, wow. They got to the end and it was clear that they had *no* idea how to wrap up their ongoing storylines. They had a shared vision among multiple people about an opera house where a child had two people chasing after her to save her, and two others who were taking her away for some unknown purpose. This vision was a big part of the plot for multiple seasons. It needed a grand ending, something to justify all the setup. Then, at the end, the kid in the vision was walking through a ship with those two people trying to find her. The other two people picked her up, walked ten paces, and put her down. And that was the entire payoff to two seasons of drama and tension. </p><p>The kid could have walked those ten paces herself. If no one had been there, nothing would have happened. If the other two people had found the kid first, nothing would be different. What a waste, and it made it entirely clear that the writers came up with a cool thing to do in season 2, but never bothered to consider what it would actually mean in the end.</p><p>Another key ingredient to a good ending is keeping character motivations and traits consistent. Again the Expanse did this well. Holden and Alex in particular got endings that fit their arcs, and had appropriate and emotional callbacks to how they thought and behaved in the early books. They continued to act like themselves and although they had changed throughout the series the change felt real, believable, and good. Being able to combine a variety of threads from the first book through to the end to help finish off a character's tale is difficult, and the Expanse nailed it.</p><p>Again, Galactica failed spectacularly. At the end all of the characters decide to throw all of their technology into the sun and become nomadic hunter gatherers. This wasn't set up ahead of time, even though they had plenty of opportunities to establish religious groups that could have potentially justified this nonsense. They had a bunch of people totally reliant on modern technology all decide simultaneously "Well, I guess I don't want to have a heater, or medicine, or sanitation, or anything ever again. It is time for us all to die of exposure and disease... because reasons."</p><p>It was embarassing to watch, honestly. Truly, it is hard to imagine that a space adventure series ends with a "Because God's divine plan, that's why." and that wasn't even the main thing I wanted to rant about. If the story beats had been paid off, and the characters got appropriate and consistent endings, I could have forgiven Because God as the end of the show, but put it all together and you have something truly pathetic.</p><p>If you just want some views, you can make up random crap as you go along. That works. If you want an enduring legacy though, you have to actually make a plan.</p><p>The Expanse had a plan. Galactica did not. It shows.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-74843993005506189632021-12-14T00:39:00.000-05:002021-12-14T00:39:16.351-05:00Feline Ethical Hedonist<p>My cat Lewis died today. We got him six years ago, a blind, rotund creature who wandered about bumping into everything. We worried that he would struggle to settle in, find his litterbox, figure out the layout, but Lewis managed wonderfully right from the start.</p><p>He was an utter failure as a majestic predator. He loved to go outside and sit on the lawn at the cottage sniffing the air while birds and squirrels wandered 50 cm away from him. I don't think he understood that they were there at all, but I can't quite say why the wild creatures were so willing to hang out near him. I suppose they sensed his inability and disinterest in chasing them down. Most cats like to hang out on high perches trying to look fierce and independent. Lewis liked to do this:</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgRv4ZSTfb7b32kEF_ty-Kf3qClZfZIe9FtNk51B5g5-31vwilp6_6mqE8BqzoNxevronMyT6sefWwAeVVtmfsechxDjeDSdnQ6HhU4aspUZ0IHFEDwQ9v77IZemKknG0IdV-atNTtXuUrqGQCjI6wSRruHMxBDsnCHkUQCoz5zBbceaRqaLhXpgSVmAw=s4032" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgRv4ZSTfb7b32kEF_ty-Kf3qClZfZIe9FtNk51B5g5-31vwilp6_6mqE8BqzoNxevronMyT6sefWwAeVVtmfsechxDjeDSdnQ6HhU4aspUZ0IHFEDwQ9v77IZemKknG0IdV-atNTtXuUrqGQCjI6wSRruHMxBDsnCHkUQCoz5zBbceaRqaLhXpgSVmAw=w640-h480" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><p>His favourite thing was to lie on his back in a sunbeam with his paws in the air, begging for a belly rub. Unlike other cats it wasn't a trap - he loved attention and would chirp and purr happily if you stopped by to get some cat tummy time. This cat knew how to be an ethical hedonist, no doubt. He loved snuggles and would happily fall asleep on your chest, snoring very softly away. He trusted everyone right away, and would happily sit in the middle of busy rooms with people walking all about, even those he didn't know.</p><p>This fall he got deadly sick and we found out that his kidneys were failing. There is no cure, but after the vet got him stabilized we brought him home and began giving him daily injections of fluids because he stopped drinking water entirely. We knew we were just buying time against the inevitable, but we wanted to give him all of the good days he could have.</p><p>This weekend he ran out of good days.</p><p>The looming prospect of euthanasia was a tremendous struggle for me emotionally. I see myself as my family's protector, a physical shield against all the dangers of the world. To take him to a place where stranger would kill him is a terrible thing to face, and it was made much worse by the fact that due to covid only one of us could be with him at the end.</p><p>Normally this sort of thing Wendy would do. She was the one who was there when Pinkie Pie came out of surgery and only one of us could be there... but I needed this.</p><p>I needed to be with him because even though I can no longer protect him from death, I will still protect him from suffering. I needed to be there so he would know, as he died, that he was not abandoned, and that he was loved. When he died I fell apart for awhile, and his wonderful soft fur soaked up my tears.</p><p>Now Lewis is dead. Not gone entirely, of course, so long as we remember. I will remember him as being the worst of the deadly hunters... and the best of the cats.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-91993628159431170462021-12-12T20:27:00.002-05:002021-12-12T20:27:33.487-05:00I wish I was wrong<p>This past fall Pinkie Pie decided to try high school. She missed what would have been her grade 9 year with the pandemic, but she wanted to try again. I had thought it wouldn't work at all, but it is now almost four months in and it looks like she will get full credits for the term. My parents set high standards for my marks and results in school, but Pinkie Pie has struggles that I never did - we will be happy if she passes. </p><p>One thing that has been making school more challenging is an educational assessment. It is a process where psychologists and learning experts evaluate kids for all kinds of things including behavioural problems, learning disabilities, etc. It costs a few thousand dollars, which is the barrier for many people, but with some family help on that front we decided to try it as school started.</p><p>I was quite sure what the result would be. Pinkie Pie has been through the mental health system for years now, and I knew this educational assessment would result in them saying "Pinkie Pie is a clever kid with high anxiety and executive function problems. She needs extra help, flexibility, and time to complete her work." However, we decided to go for it anyway in the hopes that I was somehow wrong.</p><p>The process was much more of a struggle than we had thought. It involved numerous sessions of tough academics and doing it caused Pinkie Pie to miss a whole week of school due to exhausion. Making school even worse is not was I was hoping for out of this.</p><p>Still, just maybe I will be wrong?</p><p>I was not wrong.</p><p>After several months of appointments they sat us down and told us in big words that my kid is bright but has big struggles with anxiety, energy, and organization. They recommended doing exactly what the school was already doing anyway.</p><p>I was ready to write it off as a perfect prediction, but they added one thing at the end. They told us we could go for parent coaching to try to help with this process. If there is one thing I need at the end of paying people hundreds of dollars an hour to tell me stuff I already know it is a recommendation to pay someone else hundreds of dollars an hour to tell me *different* stuff I already know! It would be great - I would describe my situation to them, and they would tell me that Pinkie Pie needs a good sleep schedule, healthy food, and for us to tell her to go to school in a firm voice. Somehow they would imagine that I didn't get this advice from one thousand other sources.</p><p>It isn't as though I think these people are all incompetent. Probably parent coaches mostly give good advice, and I am sure the people evaluating Pinkie Pie knew their stuff. They just had absolutely nothing of value to give us at the end.</p><p>What I know for sure though is that I have read and listened to endless parenting advice when Pinkie Pie struggled and it was not helpful. It was always stuff I already knew, had already tried, and which totally failed. When I got this advice I always responded that I had tried that exact thing and it did not work. Mostly they would give me blank stares, no doubt being sure that the advice was good, so clearly I had screwed it up. </p><p>Fact is, you can be as good a parent as you want, and there are some things you can't fix. No strategy will suffice, no route to victory can be found.</p><p>I wanted so much to be wrong, for them to find something, anything, that would give her an edge to deal with her current struggles. Unfortunately I was right, and we will just have to continue to muddle through.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-85732097302417922842021-11-23T16:51:00.005-05:002021-11-23T16:51:37.818-05:00Moving on up<p>I recently finished the book Exodus - How Migration is Changing Our World. It is about the movement of people from poor countries to rich ones, and examines what effects this movement has on all of the parties involved. I didn't agree with it all the way, but I think it does a great job of asking hard questions and looking at the issue from the perspective of everyone affected. Being as I live in Canada it is no surprise that most of my exposure to immigration discussion has been centered on whether or not it is good for current Canadians if new people move here. Exodus examines the subject from that perspective, but it also spends a lot of time talking about the effects on the immigrants themselves and the people left behind in the poorer countries from which they come.</p><p>In political debate the subject of immigration often comes down to left vs. right shouting matches. The left wants all the immigration and any opposition to that is racist, and the right wants no immigration and any opposition to that is destroying our culture. Naturally both extremes are nonsense, and both have some kind of point if you tone the rhetoric down some. A lot of opposition to immigration within rich countries is based on racism, but there are real concerns about how immigration levels change the culture of the countries people are moving to.</p><p>One key topic that is pivotal and controversial is the examination of why exactly poor countries are poor. Is it just historical, based on past behaviour? Luck? Or is it culture, and poorer, worse functioning countries are that way because of the behaviour of their citizens? Again, this discussion is a political minefield, but the explanation is a bit of all of each of these simple answers. Colonialism left all kinds of troubles and issues in poorer countries, but some countries have pushed beyond a troubled past, marred by invasion and occupation. Some countries are lucky to have valuable resources, but those resources do not explain much of the difference in standard of living.</p><p>Exodus explains that much of the difference between countries can be explained by mutual regard between citizens. If you think of everyone else in your country as someone close to you, someone you should respect, and insist on the same behaviour from them, your country will prosper. When nurses steal all the drugs from hospitals to sell on the black market, the country suffers. When crime is so rampant that everyone must spend tons of money on security guards, the country suffers. When bureaucrats demand bribes and squander money via corruption the country suffers. Countries that are rich tend to have high trust among citizens and people do not overlook transgressions by others, even if those others are close to them. Of course every country has some degree of corruption, but less corruption is hugely beneficial.</p><p>If a rich country wants to maintain its standard of living, then any new arrivals must take on its current culture. They don't have to have all the same holidays, modes of dress, etc. but they need to buy into the basic ideals and customs with regards to law and corruption. If they do not, the standard of living in the country will suffer. It is reasonable to demand certain cultural standards, but it is easy to tip over and demand far too much, and of the wrong types.</p><p>I definitely think Canadians need to be concerned about racism, particularly against immigrants. I also think that we have to carefully manage how many people we bring in to make sure we have the infrastructure to support them, and also make sure that we maintain the parts of our culture that give us the wealth and privilege that the immigrants are seeking. We can't expect to have open borders and welcome anyone who wants in while maintaining our standard of living, so we need restrictions, and those restrictions are going to be complicated and difficult to decide on.</p><p>The simple fact is that immigration cannot be boiled down to Good or Bad. It is a complicated thing that is governed by extremely complex systems, and how we approach it hugely affects our outcomes.</p><p>One thing in Exodus that I was especially interested in is the discussion of nationalism. I have been wont to say that nationalism is poison, but Exodus does point out that nationalism does have some benefits. It tends to reduce corruption and increase mutual regard, convincing citizens to do things for one another. The basic argument is that nationalism is good for the economy. The author carefully states that nationalism was, in the past, a huge source of wars and conflict, and this is an obvious downside. He thinks though that this is a thing of the past, and we shouldn't worry much about that anymore.</p><p>I think he is delusional on this point. Nationalism may well improve the economy, but wars are still happening and they aren't gone forever. Nationalism is a danger to humanity at large, particularly since one of our greatest existential threats, nuclear war, is vastly more likely to occur between two states in the throes of nationalist ideas. I am totally willing to take a hit to my standard of living to push the possibility of war further to the wayside, and it isn't even close.</p><p>Anyone who thinks that nationalism isn't setting us on the warpath anymore should look carefully at the US and the wars it has been continuously involved in for the past several decades. Would Russia have been involved in the military actions it has over the past few years if it weren't so tightly in the grasp of militant nationalism? I think not.</p><p>While I disagree with some of Exodus, I do think it raises a great many useful points. If you haven't thought a lot about immigration from a variety of viewpoints you will probably learn a few things, and the book is easy to read and clear. One final caveat though - the author likes to use formulas and graphs to make points, and sometimes they are misleading. You can't take an enormously complicated topic, boil it down to 2 numbers, and then pretend that putting those numbers in a formula gives you good data out the other side. Economists are fond of simple math representing labyrinthine issues, and such behaviour should be given a generous helping of side eye.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-84578148799485160252021-11-02T12:59:00.002-04:002021-11-02T12:59:08.896-04:00Fitting in nowhereThe next book in my 'recommended to me' series is Surviving the White Gaze. This book is beyond the reach of the initial set of recommendations and is part of my new section 'people keep hearing that I am taking recommendations so they shove books at me'. Surviving the White Gaze is simultaneously easy and hard to read. It is a series of short, well written anecdotes and stories about the author's life focused around her experiences of race. She is a biracial woman who was raised in a town where she was the only person who wasn't white.<div><br /></div><div>While the writing is clear and smooth, the stories are harsh and jarring. She had a tough childhood, being raised by white parents who didn't understand her struggles at all, and being surrounded by people who were constantly racist towards her. As she got older she found her way into black social groups and communities but this often didn't help at all, as she was too black for the white people and too white for the black people. I had realized academically that this is a serious struggle for biracial people but these stories brought that experience to life and made it real and visceral.</div><div><br /></div><div>The stories of racism vary wildly. Some were outright tales of outright discrimination that I found hard to stomach, and others revealed struggles that aren't necessarily obvious. For example, black hair is different from white hair. If no one in your town knows how to deal with your hair, then it can feel like you are inferior when in fact you are simply lacking in expertise.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are curious about what racism feels like, or how it plays out, this is a good book. The author does not attempt to portray herself in a perfect light, and her many mistakes and issues are on display. You get to see a flawed person struggling in a world that makes it extremely difficult for her, and through that struggle you will get a glimpse into humanity.</div><div><br /></div><div>The author was adopted by a white couple and mostly raised by them, though she spent some time during her teenage years and adulthood with her birth mother. All three parents did things wrong and made her life more difficult, though certainly her birth mother was the worst. (Taking your eleven year old daughter to a bar and leaving her alone, and then blaming her when an old man tries to convince her to have sex with him is beyond the pale.) She blames all three parents for many of the things she suffered, quite justifiably. However, she also lays blame in ways that I don't accept as reasonable.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blaming parents for their children's misbehaviour or suffering is something I see a lot. My instinct is that this is more of a modern phenomenon, but perhaps that isn't true. Parents often do this to themselves of course, asking themselves what they did wrong. Sometimes they did do things wrong, of course, but often had they chosen differently it wouldn't have helped, or it would simply have created different issues. I don't like blaming people when we can't even be sure that different choices would have improved outcomes. If you would have been angry even if a different choice were made, then you are giving the target of your anger no right choice, no way out, and I don't accept that.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am happy to blame parents for bad behaviour, but only if I can see a better way. I don't toss blame if they just made the best of a bad situation.</div><div><br /></div><div>For example, blaming her adoptive parents because they didn't give her exposure to black culture, or help her find ways to work with black hair seems quite reasonable to me. They should have worked harder on that. Blaming them because they didn't uproot their entire lives to move to a big city from their country residence to put her nearer to black people isn't reasonable. It was hard on her, of that I have no doubt, but parents don't have an obligation to relocate in the world, especially when they have other kids too. I understand her feelings, but I don't accept the allocation of blame.</div><div><br /></div><div>When Pinkie Pie struggles, I worry. I wonder if I could do something to help her, to fix her problems, to make things better. I think about the choices I have made in the past. However, I don't accept that all of her issues are on me. I have to continue to try to help her, but I won't make it all about me, nor drown in misplaced blame. No matter how perfect a parent you are, your children will screw up, suffer, and struggle. You do what you can, but they have to go through things to learn how to cope with them, and you can't entirely avoid that. Heaping blame on parents in no win situations isn't productive or fair.</div><div><br /></div><div>Surviving the White Gaze is a powerful book that can give you a visceral understanding of the struggles of biracial people. However, I do suggest that you take the criticisms of some of the author's family with a grain of salt.</div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-71927224801514888012021-10-22T15:19:00.000-04:002021-10-22T15:19:03.600-04:00Humans are kind<p>Next up in my reading series is HumanKind. This book is about humans natural tendencies towards kindness and helpfulness, and how these tendencies can be overwritten or pushed aside by modern life.</p><p>By modern life I mean all life since the invention of agriculture.</p><p>Our examples of hunter gatherer societies are fairly small in number but they consistently paint a portrait of cooperation, lack of hierarchies, and group decision making. This makes a lot of sense when you think about the way such groups would live. When you move around following herds or harvesting by season there is little to own. You don't stay on any particular patch of land, and owning it makes little sense. You can't have more possessions than you can carry, so hoarding wealth is nearly impossible. Having a standing military is an expense you cannot afford because they can't accomplish anything useful. This is the sort of environment that humans are mostly adapted to. The few thousand years since agriculture developed have changed a lot, but that isn't enough time for evolution to have a big effect.</p><p>Once you have agriculture the rules all change. Land ownership becomes crucial. Hoarding wealth is suddenly feasible. Increases in food production allow for specialization and pave the way for standing militaries and their accompanying rigid hierarchies. All of this leads to war and violence. However, turning highly cooperative nomadic humans into bloodthirsty pillagers requires a lot of change in our outlook, and it turns out the key to that is making us believe that humans are naturally bad, and thus in need of constant control. We also need to be convinced that other people are evil, and thus it is acceptable to murder them and take their stuff.</p><p>This is the key to being a dictator over a huge group of people. In order to impose your rules you have to make people fear each other so they will surrender their liberties for safety. There are many versions of this - religions telling people that other people are inherently wicked, for example. However, there are modern day equivalents like most economics that holds dear the idea of humans as machines that try to maximize their personal power and position.</p><p>The book addresses a lot of the ways we try to convince each other of humankind's wickedness. For example, the bystander effect, in which the death of Kitty Genovese is often cited. The story that is often told is that Kitty was attacked in an alley, and 38 people witnessed the attack. They did nothing, and the attacker returned repeatedly until finally Kitty died. The true story is that the police interviewed 38 people, most of whom were asleep or heard yelling in an alley and thought it was just a drunk person. Two of them called the police (who arrived too late to help) and one found Kitty and held her while she died. It is a tragedy, and certainly shows that some individuals are wicked and violent, but it does not teach us that human bystanders are callous brutes.</p><p>Similarly the Stanford prison experiment and the famous experiment where volunteers administered shocks that they were meant to think were fatal are often used as examples of humans being basically bad. The book talks about both cases, and shows how flawed the conclusions are.</p><p>Humans are marvellously adapted to cooperate and learn from one another. These are the things that set us apart from all other species. The great majority of us struggle to harm others at all. However, we can be indoctrinated, tricked, and pushed into hatred and violence, and we often are. We should not imagine that this is inevitable though, because it is not. The last century shows us that we can get better. We can reduce war, we can try to help others, and we can break down barriers. </p><p>We aren't perfect, and never will be, but we are slowly fumbling our way towards something better.</p><p>HumanKind is an excellent book that will teach you about the ways that we are tricked into hatred, how hierarchies and possessions create conflict and division, and how people use this story of inherent wickedness of humankind to justify atrocities. Being better is difficult, but this book provides clues as to how we can go about doing that.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-5754034129610225982021-10-06T17:34:00.001-04:002021-10-06T17:34:54.423-04:00Defeated by detail<p>The next book on my 'stuff people recommended' list is The Horse, The Wheel, and Language. It is a book about archaeology / anthropology that looks at ancient peoples, particularly a group that lived in the steppes of Asia called Indo-Europeans. </p><p>It is the first book that I failed to finish.</p><p>I didn't fail because the book was bad, or wrong, but rather because it is so chock fill of minute details that I just don't care about. It sounds like it would be right up my alley - I am interested in historic trends and the idea of following the invention of the wheel or horseback riding and seeing how they influenced language migration sounds neat.</p><p>Unfortunately the book is just so dry and so full of proof for minor points that I couldn't get through it all. I read halfway, and then stopped reading at all for weeks because I had no desire at all to finish. Finally I concluded that I need to give up on my goal of reading all the books all the way through and simply write up what I have and ship it back to the library.</p><p>It turns out that I like broad strokes of learning when I am looking at something quite unfamiliar. I suspect I am like most people in this regard. If I am well versed in a topic I enjoy intricate detail, but for something I know little about I can't get that interested in a scholarly treatise that gets bogged down in minute tidbits. I just don't care about the origin of a particular consonant in the Proto Indo European language. </p><p>The book seems well researched. I don't fault its academic credentials, though honestly I don't know that I would be able to tell if it was absolutely full of it. That might be the issue, really. If every single word in the book was a lie I don't think I would be able to definitely argue against it, and that means I am reading way above my pay grade.</p><p>If you enjoy detailed linguistic explanations and exhaustive examination of archeological evidence, this book may be for you. </p><p>For me though, it was just a bit too much. I don't have the knowledge required to get a lot out of it... and I suspect that 99.9% of humanity is in the same situation.</p><p>My next couple of books are much more approachable, written for mass audiences, and I am sure I will be able to finish them. For now though I will consider myself defeated by detail.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-44862927137967554552021-09-20T15:25:00.005-04:002021-09-20T15:25:28.874-04:00The true war<p>I finished Pursuit of Power: Europe 1815-1914. This book was the first that I started reading in my Stuff People Recommended project, but it took me a long time to finish both because of length and density. If you intend on reading it I suggest investing in steel toe boots - if you drop the book you will need them.</p><p>This book is the story of Europe from the Napoleonic Wars to WW1. It covers a vast range of topics from political intrigue to wars and lines of control through to labour disputes, technology, and economics. Pursuit of Power is incredibly well researched and the author clearly knows his stuff. You will come out the other side with a dizzying array of facts, should you make it through.</p><p>The trick is making it through. The book is not light reading. Every mention of a person includes their birth and death date. There are endless lists of things and odd tangents with highly specific details that don't fit well into a narrative.</p><p>Speaking of which, the book doesn't have a narrative. That isn't necessarily a criticism or a form of praise, just a fact. You do see trends of course as you go through all the data, but the author isn't trying to push a particular viewpoint or tell a story. He is presenting well researched facts, that is all. If you want an arc, or characters about which you know something, you will not find it here. If what you want is a wild flurry of interesting tidbits of knowledge though, you will find exactly what you are looking for.</p><p>I did come away from reading this book with a few insights that I think are worth sharing. First off it is clear from reading it that our current way of discussing and viewing history as a story of nation states battling one another is deeply flawed. For example, many of the rebellions in Europe in this period ended when the rebels ousted their monarch and then another country invaded, destroyed the rebels, put a new monarch in place, and left. The key battle wasn't country vs. country, but aristocrats vs. peasants. The aristocrats in Germany wouldn't abide a rebellion in a nearby country because those uppity peasants can't be allowed to get ideas! It was common to see other countries simply install a random noble as king in a newly minted country and then walk away, all to keep the lower classes under control.</p><p>The peasants were often tricked into thinking that the real war was them vs. some other country, when in fact they should have been seeing it as a war of all peasant vs. all the upper classes. The writings of Marx make a lot more sense to me now that I see this more clearly.</p><p>I also acquired a new appreciation for the effects of economics and business on societies with much more primitive science. Reading about how railways affected the price of wheat and thus dramatically changed farmers lives in nations far away was fascinating. A railway in France that allows a French farmer to sell crops at a much lower cost because of lower shipping prices can destroy the life of a Russian peasant when their crops now aren't worth selling.</p><p>Additionally I have come around to a new way of thinking about why democracies with substantial freedom and rights for individuals have become so successful. The liberties of a modern democracy improve the efficiency of a country dramatically over a oppressive dictatorship. I think the reason we see so many countries moving in that direction over time is simply because a country run like that gets rich. We aren't living in a more democratic, free world because that is righteous... we are living that way because societies like that *win* on the battlefield of money.</p><p>Reading Pursuit of Power will teach you many things. It will take a lot of time and it will sometimes feel like a slog, but you will come out the other end with a great deal of insight, and more than a few interesting facts you can spit out at parties. </p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-23407028528850417212021-09-06T13:34:00.001-04:002021-09-06T13:34:30.933-04:00Feathered scaly critters<p>The next book in my 'stuff people recommended' series is The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs. Unlike many other books in this series it did not cause me to rethink my opinions on humanity or consider becoming a full on communist. The book was a fun, straightforward description of what we know about dinosaurs at this point, starting when the dinosaurs first emerged and moving through time until their extinction. </p><p>The author mixed in some anecdotes about fossil hunting and archaeologists throughout, providing some amusing moments. Certainly when I think about scientists studying dinosaurs now I imagine careful dig sites with lots of regulations and structure, but back in the day competing scientists hired mercenaries and troublemakers to fight and rob each other trying to collect bones - quite the contrast.</p><p>Much of what I learned about dinosaurs as a kid was wrong. It is neat to take a body of knowledge that I hadn't questioned and find out how many things have changed. Movies like Jurassic Park are now quite dated because they don't show many of the dinosaurs having feathers - though these aren't feathers like modern birds have, but rather something halfway between a feather and a thick hair. Also our understanding of how fast dinosaurs can move, what they eat, and how they behave has changed over time.</p><p>Mixed in with dinosaur facts are descriptions of environmental changes during the dinosaur period, covering things like climate change, plate tectonics, and other factors.</p><p>This is a good book for any age. I imagine kids would get a kick out of the random stories, but they would also get a solid education about dinosaurs in particular and general scientific topics of many kinds. I think most adults would enjoy learning about dinosaurs anew to update their knowledge, and the book is extremely accessible to anyone without any background required.</p><p>If you want a quick to read, well written book that gives a broad overview of many scientific topics with a focus on dinosaurs, this is a great book to pick up. </p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-35840839701148897132021-08-30T14:44:00.000-04:002021-08-30T14:44:51.561-04:00Somehow we livedAre you looking for a book to make you feel much worse about the nature of humanity? Desperately in need of depressing news? Are you hunting for a sense of doom and despair? <div><br /></div><div>I have just the book for you!</div><div><br /></div><div>The Doomsday Machine is the latest in my 'stuff people recommended' series of readings. It is a book written by a nuclear war planner turned anti nuclear activist detailing the history of nuclear weapons in the US. It goes into detail about just how out of dangerous the cold war was, how out of control the nuclear weapons were, and how constantly we were exposed to civilization ending nuclear war.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is depressing to hear just how aggressive and reckless people were. The US military was so worried about not being able to annihilate their enemies that they gave permission to fire nuclear weapons to a huge range of people and refused to create systems to prevent individual pilots and soliders from using nuclear weapons on their own initiative. When systems were put in place to prevent armageddon individuals carefully circumvented them.</div><div><br /></div><div>For example, there was a system where there were 2 safes with codes to fire nukes. There were always supposed to be 2 people on duty, each of which knew the combination to one safe. Both safes were required to fire, so in theory this meant that a single rogue person couldn't end humanity. In practice the soldiers all just shared their combinations with one another so if one of them was away for some reason the other could easily fire the nukes and end us all.</div><div><br /></div><div>This isn't stupidity. There are stupid people in the military, just like anywhere, but that isn't what happened here.</div><div><br /></div><div>If I were to prioritize four situations in nuclear standoffs, I would list them as </div><div><br /></div><div>Everyone lives</div><div>Enemies die</div><div>We die</div><div>Everyone dies.</div><div><br /></div><div>The soldiers clearly prioritized them as</div><div><br /></div><div>Enemies die</div><div>Everyone lives</div><div>Everyone dies</div><div>We die.</div><div><br /></div><div>Their overriding concern was not the continuation of humanity, but rather the destruction of their enemies. They were desperately concerned not for life, but for saving face. Better that America being a pile of ash and all humans die than anyone else feel like they had pulled one over on America.</div><div><br /></div><div>They knew what they were doing, they just thought that macho posturing and patriotic bullshit was more important than all human life.</div><div><br /></div><div>This, more than anything, is the story of nuclear weapons. It is a bunch of assholes who wanted to push people around who were willing to kill us all to maintain their deathgrip on power. It is despicable, and yet not at all surprising.</div><div><br /></div><div>Normally I agree with the statement that it is foolish to ascribe to malice what can easily be explained by incompetence, but that isn't the case here. It is all malice, all the way.</div><div><br /></div><div>By the end of the book I was stunned at the colossal evil at the heart of the US military. This, coming from someone who was already convinced that the US military is one of the most evil things around. I spend days wondering how it is that I am still alive, and thinking constantly that I am surely not going to live to see my 50th birthday, much less die at a ripe old age.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Doomsday Machine is good. Well written, informative, and important. We all need to understand why this insane situation occurred, and advocate for changing it. Reading it, however, will not be a fun thing to do, and you will despair at what we have wrought. In addition, you will never wonder about the Fermi Paradox again. There aren't any aliens visiting us because they all eventually nuked themselves into oblivion.</div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-54825100062674771352021-08-19T11:02:00.003-04:002021-08-19T11:02:25.760-04:00A call to communism<p>If you want to read a book that will turn you communist, then How To Be A Victorian is a good place to start. I am continuing my 'stuff people recommended' book readings, and while this book does not intend to suggest any political affiliation I couldn't help but be filled with despair at the portrayal of life in Victorian England.</p><p>The starvation of children is what got to me. Reading about the 10 course meals the aristocrats were eating while the poor starved to death filled me with rage. I can hardly imagine the distress I would feel if I were to look at my child, skinny with hunger and misery, and then have to tell her that there is no food today, and maybe not tomorrow. The rich are throwing away food from every meal, but she just has to suffer, and maybe die.</p><p>Even if she got enough to eat in calories, she would probably be eating nothing but bread and would end up with rickets and scurvy because we couldn't even afford vegetables.</p><p>The idea of making a careful economic decision to send my 6 year old kid to work for 16 hours a day in the pitch dark of the mines because that way maybe I can afford enough food for her is just beyond my experience. How could I look at her and then look at an aristocrat of the same age and realize that the aristocrat is 10 cm taller because they get enough to eat without grabbing a pitchfork and joining a revolution?</p><p>I am not normally a violent person, or one inclined to armed revolt. But in that situation, I am pretty sure the rich people had better make sure they have tight security, because I am coming for them. Communism strikes me, from the perspective of a 21st century Canadian, as impractical. As a Victorian though, I can see myself getting pretty excited about sharing the wealth.</p><p>The book itself is set up in a neat way - it starts out with getting up, washing, dressing, breakfast, and then proceeds through working life and entertainment, while finishing up with sex. The sections varied a lot in interest for me, as I found the endless lists of specific garments boring but the descriptions of sexual mores and medicine were compelling. There isn't a plot so you can easily jump around to whatever stuff grabs your attention though, which is good.</p><p>The author clearly did a tremendous amount of research and the book is authoritatively written. Sometimes it is a little dry, so you want to go in with an interest in history because there aren't any thrills otherwise.</p><p>People do, from time to time, wax poetic about the good old days and how things are terrible now. Those people need to read some more history books, because the more I read the more certain I become that there has never been as good a time to be alive as right here, right now. </p><p>We have problems, yes. But the olden times *sucked*.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-52015249897299745742021-08-06T21:04:00.005-04:002021-08-06T21:04:32.261-04:00Periodic TalesIn my continuing series about all the books people recommended to me I finished reading Periodic Tales. This book is far less controversial than the last one I wrote about, and is a meandering tale winding its way through history. It has the periodic table of the elements as its theme, so the author devotes each chapter to an element or group of elements and talks about their discovery, uses, and notable events.<div><br /></div><div>The book is a good read for anyone whether or not you have any scientific training. All the science in the book is pitched at a broad audience and is easily accessible. The great majority of it is just a series of short history lessons which are generally interesting and amusing. The author does a great job of blending humour and learning to make the stories fun as well as educational. It isn't a long read so you can't expect to get a complete education on any one topic but if you want a series of history highlights with a focus on discovery then you will be happy with the book.</div><div><br /></div><div>You will find pieces about gold rushes, aluminum (or aluminium, depending on where you live) utensils that were the height of fancy living for Napoleon III, and chlorine's use as a weapon in WWI. The variety is huge.</div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that stood out to me though was the way the author talked about gold, silver, and iron. He spoke about them as though gold and iron were obviously male associated and silver obviously female. Those associations exist in several cultures, but the idea that this is inevitable or inherent to the elements is quite absurd. From a western historical perspective his point is supported, but he talks about it as if this is an inherent property of the elements themselves instead of a historical accident and that is wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>The reason this stood out to me is that gender essentialism is a real issue in society and it irritates me to see it. It wasn't a huge part of the book, but I do like to point out these things when I see them. It was a negative mark on an otherwise enjoyable read.</div><div><br /></div><div>I recommend this book. A few 'Silver is obviously a female element' comments aside, it was quick, informative, and fun.</div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-70300523305578043712021-07-29T16:39:00.002-04:002021-07-29T16:39:16.839-04:00Algorithms for horny middle aged men<p>Facebook has been sending me friend suggestions for lots of 20 something women. It also sends me friend suggestions for other types of people, but I noticed many months ago that this demographic made up a big chunk of my suggestions so I paid close attention to see if it continued. After monitoring it for a half year or so I can safely say that 75% of my friend suggestions are adult women much younger than me. A few were sex workers or scammers, but the majority of them were real people with one or two friends in common with me. </p><p>Facebook's motivation for doing this seems obvious; get the middle aged straight guy to click on profiles of young women he wants to have sex with and increase engagement metrics. However, that might be me leaping to conclusions. Maybe Facebook just sends young women to everyone in friend suggestions... I don't know.</p><p>If my initial assumption holds true, then it is a sad thing indeed. Getting messaged and friended by some older man who just wants sex is not something younger women on social media want or need. They can get an infinite supply of that trivially, if they are interested - they can even get paid. It seems like Facebook is trying to get me to engage more by encouraging crappy behaviour.</p><p>However, I would like to be sure that this is what is happening. The four things that leap out to me that may be relevant are age, gender, sexual orientation, and relationship style. Is this limited to men, middle aged people, straight people, or polyamorous people? Perhaps some combination of all of the above. Certainly Facebook knows I am in a relationship with a woman who is nine years younger than me as well as my spouse and perhaps that influences the algorithm's choices.</p><p>I would appreciate anyone replying here or on Facebook with your experiences in this. Ideally include age, gender, orientation, and polyamorous or not, but if you don't want to include any of that just knowing if you have similar experiences to me would be useful.</p><p>I must find out the nature of our code overlords, and what they want they think of me.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-63730628777493299072021-07-22T20:43:00.000-04:002021-07-22T20:43:11.575-04:00Facts, but not all the facts<p>A few weeks ago I put out a call on Facebook for books I should read. I got a big stack of them from the library and I am tearing through them. Yesterday I wrote a post about Factfulness, where I talked about what a good book it is. Most of the books on my list will be much the same I am sure. At the moment I am planning on writing a post about each of them, but we will see if that actually happens.</p><p>There is one book in that recommendation list that is not going to get a "This book is great!" post. It is called Black Rednecks and White Liberals. The blurb on the back is from someone whose claim to fame is "Commentator on Fox News". Between the title and that blurb source you can guess that it is written to push a right wing agenda, and you would be right.</p><p>However, while I could just deride the book as a bunch of evil nonsense, that wouldn't be doing it justice. It is a classic example of facts carefully chosen and presented to create a specific conclusion. The conclusion the author is trying to lead you to is that the struggles of black people in the US today are almost entirely their own fault because of their culture. He has done a huge amount of research in support of this thesis, and as far as I can tell his facts are accurate. The trouble with the book is not that it lies, but rather that it doesn't tell you the whole truth.</p><p>If you look at the edges of right vs. left debate on racism you will see two extreme camps. One side is dedicated to the idea that racism is over and that any problems that black people have now are their own fault. The other side contends that racism is the only thing, and if opportunity were equal that black people would succeed just as much as anyone else because their culture has nothing to do with their success or lack thereof.</p><p>Both extreme positions are wrong. Culture matters in success of groups - just look at the incredible dominance of Asian students in math and science. That isn't genetic, it is a consequence of culture.</p><p>Racism also matters, and black people are discriminated against in a thousand ways, large and small.</p><p>The author contends that groups throughout history who have venerated learning, hard work, saving, and study tend to become more successful generation by generation. He also contends that black culture in the US has values that impugne education and support a spendthrift lifestyle. This is a trend, not universal, of course, but I think he is correct in these assertions. Just like the trend of Asian parents pushing their kids to do more math isn't true for all, so are these generalizations about black people only true statistically.</p><p>Clearly spending recklessly and despising education and study are not black only things. I know plenty of white people who spend rather than save, and when I was young I was on the wrong end of 'learning is for losers' by plenty of white kids. In fact the author suggests that these things are common among redneck cultures regardless of race, and has theories that seem plausible about the American South having these traits in abudance among the white population during the times of slavery in the US. Seeing the way right wing folks talk about scientists and academics it is obvious this is still alive and well today.</p><p>The trouble is that people seize on that simple admission that culture matters, and immediately leap to the conclusion that racism is over. This is nonsense, but I have seen it in my personal life when someone said "There isn't any racism anymore except anti white racism, black people's problems are all just black culture." and pointed me to this book as proof.</p><p>One of the core elements of the book is the author telling us of various teaching methods and programs that produced black graduates that had high success rates in employment and earnings. He waxes poetic about how if you just teach black people to speak properly, save and invest wisely, and value education, they will suddenly be more successful.</p><p>Note the presence of the word 'properly' in that last sentence. What does he mean by speaking properly? He doesn't define it. </p><p>He means "like a rich white person who graduated from Harvard".</p><p>So yeah, if you teach black kids to speak like a rich white guy from Harvard, they will make more money. But he completely fails to ask why that is, and if the best thing for society is to simply make black people act like white people. Is that the goal of our educational system? To force children to emulate the richest and most powerful so they can get jobs?</p><div style="text-align: left;">No, it is not. If black people not speaking like rich whites from Harvard is preventing them getting jobs, maybe we ought to change that fact directly, rather than simply accepting it and trying to change black people!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">(I do think that a cultural norm of supporting and encouraging study and learning is objectively good though, both for those in that culture and those outside it.)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If some black kids tell other black kids to stop studying because hitting the books is just acting white, then that will have negative effects on their long term educational and job prospects. However, there is absolutely nothing I can do about that. What I can do is try to push for a society that doesn't disciminate against those black kids so they at least have equal opportunity from outside their own culture. That is something I can actively work on, so I will. Assigning blame isn't going to help anyone, no matter who the blame gets assigned to. All I can do is try to fix the thing that is within my power to affect, so I will do that.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I normally close with a recommendation to read the book I am reviewing. I won't give that here. There are some parts of the book that aren't about black culture at all that are interesting and informative, and even if you totally disagree with the author's conclusions like I do, there are a lot of facts you might find useful. I view it much like my reading of the Bible years ago - I am glad to have these facts in my head now, because it will make me much better at refuting the arguments of people I disagree with. I read the Bible in part to better argue with religious people, and I read this book to better argue with racist people.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Black Rednecks and White Liberals has plenty of facts. Unfortunately, it is light on truth.</div>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-65623783023053646442021-07-21T13:24:00.004-04:002021-07-21T13:24:33.608-04:00Facts don't care about your feelings<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix0rfkpZMwpOKwcXsVKv2TqYxnV8rcWZ2uikcsEFQq3WYCXfuNAcQth3HcLo0XcUeqdWocvZlWCwkkYKMygPy5ykw8B7BDzn4COwBRaG5pJn28Danu_C9n9BjxpIOg-iyHd-JMryD5kfKj/s499/51tvugRSHKL._SX322_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="324" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix0rfkpZMwpOKwcXsVKv2TqYxnV8rcWZ2uikcsEFQq3WYCXfuNAcQth3HcLo0XcUeqdWocvZlWCwkkYKMygPy5ykw8B7BDzn4COwBRaG5pJn28Danu_C9n9BjxpIOg-iyHd-JMryD5kfKj/s320/51tvugRSHKL._SX322_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" /></a></div>I just finished reading the book Factfulness. It is a book that constantly repeats things I have been yelling about for years to anyone who will listen, so it should be no surprise that I loved it. The book leads off with 12 questions about the world, mostly relating to human wellbeing and trends. All questions have 3 answers, A, B, C and the average person gets 2 correct.<p></p><p>You read that right. Guessing at random would give you 4 correct, but the average person is significantly worse than random guessing. The author of the book talks about how in all his years administering these questions to huge numbers of people one person ever got 11 correct, and nobody got 12.</p><p>I got 11 correct, and I definitely should have got 12, but I rushed through. That isn't because I am smarter than everyone else, but because the author of the book was trying to make a point, showing how badly humans do on specific sorts of knowledge, and that is a specific sort of knowledge I focus on.</p><p>The idea behind the book is that we are terrible at interpreting certain sorts of data and the information we are exposed to predisposes us to come to incorrect conclusions. The book clarifies a lot of important facts that we usually get wrong, and provides techniques for preventing yourself from reaching those incorrect conclusions in future. It is a combination of science, sociology, and psychology. Through reading it we learn about what scientific research and facts tell us about the human world, why we get it wrong, and how we can make our brains be better at this sort of thing.</p><p>The key takeaway is that a lot of things are getting better. For example, I have gotten into a few heated discussions about pollution where people tried to convince me that pollution is getting worse everywhere. I brought up air quality in Toronto, and these people stated that it is getting worse every year. I pointed out that we can falsify this both anecdotally and scientifically - just think about the smog pouring out of car tailpipes in decades past, and look at car tailpipes today. Or, you know, you can just look up the numbers and see that air quality in Toronto has been constantly improving ever since we were able to measure it.</p><p>Lots of things are like this. People see disasters on the news or charities begging for help with images of catastrophe and fail to realize that while individual problems exist, the global trend for nearly all measures of human well being is constantly improving. We miss the forest for the trees.</p><p>Of course that doesn't mean we should rest on our laurels! Both the author and I are convinced that we should do more for environmental causes and assisting those less fortunate in the world, but we should do that while being aware of the successes we have had. "We have a lot more to do" can go along with "Many things are improving rapidly" without contradiction.</p><p>Everyone should read this book. If all you get from it is a new understanding of global trends it will be worth it, but you can get so much more. It can give you tools to be a better activist, a better environmentalist, and a better thinker.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1086764876629036045.post-78536931933112666552021-06-29T15:04:00.002-04:002021-06-29T15:04:15.700-04:00Wrong measurements<p>Pinkie Pie has been talking about going back to school in the fall. She is eager to try this out, largely because she wants to spend time with her friends. She has enjoyed a great many books and shows about high school in her time, and I wonder if she has the wrong idea about what high school entails.</p><p>I have grave doubts. Some of those doubts surround her ability to cope with high school and the workload, as her mental health struggles have made it extremely difficult for her to do the education we are doing at home, and I can't see how she could cope with a full courseload.</p><p>My other doubts surround the way school operates in general, particularly the way grades work. I found a youtube video talking about many of the problems with grades and educational structures and it resonated strongly with me.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="353" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fe-SZ_FPZew" width="573" youtube-src-id="fe-SZ_FPZew"></iframe></div><br /><p>The youtuber in question leads off with a story about a kid who gets straight As but who is crushed by the school system because it encourages them to focus entirely on grades instead of learning and inquiry. That is a negative consequence of our system to be sure, but kids that get straight As but are bored aren't the biggest trouble with the system. The kids that can't cope with the structure and end up falling through the cracks are much more of a concern.</p><p>Still, the main point that grading takes over everything certainly stands. We are stuck in a situation where parents and governments demand to have education measured. It is extremely difficult to measure learning, so we rely on test scores as a stand in. As is so often the case, we end up building the whole system to maximize our results on the metrics we made up, so we end up trying to raise test scores instead of trying to teach more effectively.</p><p>Some people will of course argue that we need test scores for university admissions. There are schools that don't give marks and mature students that don't have standard marks and we make that work, so I don't think we need marks at all. Still, if we had a bunch of tests for university admission at the end of grade 12 I would be fine with it. However, numeric marks for younger kids is just a plague with no redeeming value.</p><p>We don't need to carefully rank children's learning. We need to spend our time teaching them more, not working on giving them a number that isn't useful.</p><p>All this makes me not want to send Pinkie Pie to high school at all. Sure, there are lots of things she will learn, but she will also spend way too much time grinding out pointless crap just so the high school can give her a number at the end. I don't need any damn numbers, and neither does she. She needs to learn, and to feel like the things she is doing are relevant.</p><p>Just like I did in high school, Pinkie Pie sees marks as pointless, and that will sour the entire experience.</p><p>Schools have been designed as a training ground for obedient cogs, setting them up to take their place in the machine. Education is part of the mandate, but the structure is primarily designed to keep them under control and rigidly evaluated. We are slowly changing this over time, and Ontario is gradually making progress, but it is at a glacial pace.</p><p>This shouldn't be taken as an attack on teachers - naturally, there are terrible teachers, but the vast majority I have encountered in my life or through Pinkie Pie have been dedicated to education and wished they could stop wasting so much time on standardized tests and marking. Unfortunately when you work within the system, there is only so much you can do.</p><p>We need a huge rethink of what schools are for. Unfortunately it will come too late for Pinkie Pie in any case, but if we want a society of creative problem solvers we need to stop spending their entire childhood telling them the thing we want from them is precise regurgitation of particular facts on one particular day.</p><p>I don't want a boss, employee, friend, or citizen to be ranked by their ability to score highly on a test, so let's remove that nonsense from our schools.</p>Skyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10723733406348223879noreply@blogger.com0