I wasn't at all sure how big I needed to make the initial balls of dough to get proper sized buns so I made a variety of sizes to make sure I got something useful out the other end. It actually worked out okay because I made huge patties for myself and smaller ones for Elli and they looked only mostly silly.
I got myself into trouble because the patties were really thick. This is fine except that the buns had a normal bread crust on them and so were fairly resistant to squishing and this made it hard for Elli to eat her hamburger. I managed to maul my burgers well enough but it was clear that I am missing something really key in my baking strategy.
You know those commercials for hamburger joints where they show a perfect hamburger, sizzling from the grill, with toppings so fresh they are still covered in beads of water? Yeah, mine don't look like that. They look like a fat hunk of meat with limp veggies on a deformed bun. Just from a visual perspective my homemade hamburgers don't just look worse than a McDonalds ad, they look worse than the actual burgers you get at McDonalds.
They taste better than their fast food brethren though, and they are filled with less death and suffering. A good trade, if I do say so myself, and I do say so. Now I just need to figure out what I screwed up in the making of these buns and I will be on my way!