Monday, November 14, 2011

Boneheaded scammers

I got a phone call today from a company promising to help me eliminate my back taxes owed to the IRS.  Apparently President Obama is trying to help Americans reduce their debt load so they called me personally!  Strange that they called a number *in freaking Canada* for this purpose, but apparently the "US government" is just that incompetent.  The random call centre worker who talked to me when I pressed 1 didn't seem to have a script for "I don't live in your damn country, fool." and promised to look into it.  The fact that these companies can make money while being this stupid is really sad.  Obviously, its a scam; the first hit on Google for "IRS tax debt scam" brought up this page which warns US citizens of companies that claim to be able to wipe out IRS tax debts and are flat out lying.

I have gotten a large number of these phone calls in recent weeks and it makes me wonder if I am on a sucker list.  I have never given any random caller any information or money whatsoever but I regularly punch through to a live person to tell them to take me off their damn list already which might well put me on their sucker list just for not hanging up.  Generally speaking I don't believe in griefing phone salespeople as long as they are selling real products - newspapers, cleaning companies and others call now and again and I just tell them no and hang up but when a real scammer gets on the line I like to jerk them around.  This is an excerpt from a conversation I had a week ago when I got a call right after supper.

Scammer:  Please sir can you tell me your VISA card expiry date please?

Me: What company are you calling from?

Scammer:  I work for VISA sir.

Me: Wonderful, then please tell me my name.

Scammer:  I cannot reveal that information, please tell me your VISA card number and expiry date.

Me: First you tell me who it is you have called.

Scammer:  You are the owner of the household sir, now please tell me your VISA card number and expiry date.

We went round and round like this for a couple minutes and then...

Scammer:  Fuck you.

Me: You aren't very good at this are you?

Scammer:  I am very good at this, I kept you on the line for four minutes and thirty seconds so far.

Me: I have been having a great time jerking you around, it has been nothing but entertainment for me.  Since you haven't gotten anything useful from me though it is clear you aren't very good at this.

Scammer:  No, I beat you, I wasted your time.

Me: I don't consider entertainment a waste of time, this conversation is better than a movie!

Scammer:  Kiss my ass.

Me (sexy voice): Oh, that sounds *hot*.  Can you be over here in five minutes for some of that action?

Scammer:  *click*

It probably isn't very Stoic of me to relish causing some shiftless thief in India to become really irritated but hot damn it was a lot of fun.


  1. I've been getting quite a number of 'restricted' calls recently and know of a few people who have been getting them as well. I wouldn't be surprised if it's just scamming season. Back to school is over and the winter holiday rush hasn't come on yet so I bet there are a lot of overseas call centers with nothing real to do.

  2. I always enjoy as a good one.

    I tend not to be gentle with scammers. I try to sell them things occasionally