Sunday, July 3, 2011

Lookin' Ugly

Recently I decided to grow a beard.  The initial plan was to just grow my goatee out and let the sides fill in as time went by.  I was looking forward to having a ZZ top style beard that would be enormously long and luxuriant but I have given up on that... I was just too ugly.

Whether or not you think the rest of me is attractive or not it is hard to deny that the scraggly, long beard looks bloody awful especially with the sides being short.  I am not the sort to be desperately worried about how I look to the rest of the world (in fact I find it greatly amusing to be bizarre in ways that are pretty much the opposite of 'hip') but I ended up deciding that I should stop looking like a frothing, ranting hobo for Wendy's sake if nothing else.  The undeniable truth is that I like it when she looks hot.  I think high heels are bloody ridiculous and I have no attachment to makeup so I am not exactly the most demanding sort of person in this regard... but I am exceptionally fond of tight and revealing clothing, as nearly all men are, and if she decided to wear an Amish style dress all the time I would be disappointed.  I figure I should do my part and at the very least try not to be actively embarassing.

I am a little torn on this issue though.  For one, it seems like your mate should be someone around whom you can simply be yourself and which does not require high maintenance and carefully chosen facades.  On the other hand if you are going to try to look good for someone why wouldn't you do so for the most important person in your life?  Maybe the best strategy is to generally try to look good but every so often do something silly to look awful to remind them how much worse things could be.  :)

I did get the beard long enough that Wendy was able to braid it though so I figure my mission is accomplished.  Time to do the unthinkable and let her demolish it with a trimmer.

And there is the after photo, 20 minutes later.  I was slightly nervous as I don't even let barbers touch my beard... it has always been something I want to do myself.  Nonetheless I have cleaned myself up to something resembling respectability and hopefully I will be thoroughly rewarded for my herculean efforts.  Unfortunately now I lack a beard that is suitable for thoughtful beard strokery while doing other things so I will have to go get a bunch of pens to put on my desk so I will have something to fidget with while I think or read.  I don't know why some people can sit calmly and others must relentlessly twitch and fiddle with nearby objects but I am undoubtedly in the second group; every girlfriend I have ever had has been driven mad by my relentless leg bouncing if nothing else.


  1. On a technical note, I really prefer the term "partner".

    And I'd totally forgotten the obsessive fiddling with a pen. Damn damn damn.

  2. Partner is a better term. Curses.