Halfway there

I turned 40 yesterday, and a lot of people think of turning 40 as halfway to dead.  It isn't quite true, even though on average people do die a little after 80.  It turns out though that it works for me, and using this life expectancy calculator I either rate to live to 79.7 or 82.5 depending on which alcohol consumption box I tick.  Apparently I rate to live 2.8 years longer if I drink alcohol than if I don't... which seems odd, so perhaps I shouldn't trust it.  At any rate I might as well place complete faith in a random calculator I found on the internet and assume I am halfway dead.

That seems okay.

I am not sure if I am having a midlife crisis or not.  Most men who do that start buying motorcycles or convertibles and pretend to live dangerously.  I haven't done that.  I did recently start getting big tattooes and I have spent the last couple years working out to try to get ripped though, so maybe that counts.  I think if I actually stick to the workout routines it isn't an official midlife crisis though - a midlife crises is more about flailing about for validation rather than years of concentrated effort.  I definitely did the cavorting with younger women thing, no doubt about that, but I intend to keep that up right until I die at the ripe old age of exactly 79.7 years.  Similar to the weight lifting thing, it doesn't count as a crisis if it is a permanent lifestyle choice.

I feel good.  40 doesn't feel any different than 39.99 did.  I am changing slowly and predictably, and each of the past few years has seen similar drift.  I am stronger, in better shape, and better looking than ever.  (That assumes you think that adding lots of muscles outweighs my receding hairline and grey, and I do think that.)  I am stupider than before, and that trend is continuing.  I am worse at abstract reasoning and my calculations are slower than they were.  However, I am certainly wiser than I ever have been before and I make better decisions.  Overall my brain is better than ever, though it is mostly better at general life stuff and worse at high performance activities.  A reasonable trade, I think.  I heal slower, sleep worse, and ache more these days, but my body is still a distinctly above average performer so I can't complain.

I remain convinced that my 40s will be great.  Pinkie Pie has struggles and helping her through those is a challenge, but I still prefer a teenager to a baby.  Raising a kid is getting easier, and I am getting much of my freedom back after years of baby prison.  Being wiser is helping with making my middle aged life better, because although I am not as good at winning games as I used to be I am better at finding joy no matter whether I win or lose.

The world has its challenges too, but I remain stubbornly optimistic.  We humans have always had great challenges and I think our track record shows that we will continue to push forward and find ways to make it work despite all of our obvious flaws and failings.  Civilization is clearly imperfect, but we keep on getting better, and I look forward to seeing all the great things we will do.

I also look forward to sitting on a porch in a rocking chair shaking my fist at teenagers and yelling at them to get off my lawn.  I won't wait for them to actually be on the lawn either, I am going to have my fun no matter what.  Hell, I don't even need a lawn for this to work.

Turning 40 is a reminder that my time is limited.  But since it is limited, I am not going to waste it bemoaning how little time I have left.  I don't have time for that!