A soft beard

People sometimes complain about my beard.  Mostly people who I kiss, who are occasionally attacked savagely by the ends of the hairs sprouting from my face.  Until recently I thought this a problem without a solution.  When I shave it off I get told I look freaky and ten years old.  When I leave it on, it attacks.  What to do with a beard?

But not so long ago I came across the idea of beard oil.  Many people who pay more attention to personal grooming than I do surely knew of this for their entire lives, but it only came across my desk recently.  I hesitated though, unsure if I was willing to actually put that much time into my routine.  Plus the cost!  Surely beard oil is expensive, and you know how I feel about that.

But at WBC this year EpicBeard expounded on the joys of beard oil.  He waxed eloquent about the benefits.  And he is a convincing sort of person, so I gave it a go.

The price nearly killed me.  75 ml for 10 dollars?  What is this stuff made of, uranium?!?  And this is the cheapest stuff in the store!

I kind of hope not.  Uranium is pretty dangerous to put on your face, or so I have heard.

So I put the outrageously expensive stuff on my face; the test is underway.

The results so far indicate that beard oil is smelly.  Not to me - my nose hardly works at all.  Other people though, the kinds of people who were hoping that my beard would be less stabby, report that beard oil is unpleasant.  This does not bode well for the beard oil industry getting any more of my money.

Whether it will make my beard any softer is yet to be determined.  It does seem to reduce the itch factor of my beard though, so at least that portion of it works.  To find out about the stabbiness though I will need to conduct many tests and kiss lots of people.  You need lots of data, you see, in order to science properly, and science is extremely important.  As such, a great deal of kissing must commence.