Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Farting and such

I found a strange article a little while ago talking about things not to do in a marriage.  Specifically the author was listing off the terrible things he did that blew up his previous marriages in an attempt to help others.  His list was composed of two major types of things.  1.  Stuff that is blatantly obvious.  2.  Stuff that is wrong.  The blatantly obvious stuff includes not openly criticizing your partner, continuing to show affection for your partner, not yelling at your partner, and other pearls of wisdom.  The wrong stuff includes things like never letting your partner see you poop and never farting in front of them.

See, I completely get and am on board with the idea of trying to look decent for your partner.  People don't like it when you spend your courtship period all dressed up and sporting six pack abs and then immediately swap to a Tshirt from the 70s, a mullet, and a big ole pot belly.  That said I can't sign on for the necessity of pretending you don't have bodily functions.  We all have to fart and poop.  Hiding it away and acting as if doing so is shameful is silly and reinforces body shame issues we all struggle with.  Asses are not shameful, they all produce relatively similar stuff, and sneaking around acting as if you are the singular exception to this rule is wasteful and pointless.

Of course I went and violated this rule last night.  I have eaten some bean salad and hoo boy did it wreak some havoc on my digestive system.  I am normally relatively immune to bad smells since my sense of smell is quite terrible but the noxious gases I was releasing were something else indeed.  We were snuggling before sleep and I got up and wandered out of the bedroom; Wendy was confused as this isn't something I do.  I told her that I was leaving the room even though it was in violation of my earlier rant... this didn't clarify things much for her.  I dropped my bombs and wandered back in to sleep.  That is the sort of thing you should do for everyone though, not just a partner you wish to keep around for the long term.


  1. The idea that there is one particular set of things that is true for all marriages is pretty out there. I'm comfortable with using the toilet with my wife in the room, or having her use the toilet when I'm there, or with either of us having the door open. She's not particularly comfortable with either of those, so it's something we avoid unless absolutely necessary (we only have 1 bathroom, the size of a closet, and sometimes I need to go when she's in the shower).

    I agree with you on the farting thing. Everybody farts, that's fine. My wife and I have no qualms farting while in the same room. But sometimes the smell is so rancid that we'll make sure we give a warning or do it somewhere else.

  2. I don't think that everybody needs to use the same standards of behaviour I use. If you don't poop in front of each other, fine. However, I think that the assumption that pooping in front of each other will help end your marriage is absurd. Knowing and accepting that your partner has normal biological functions is not a relationship ender generally speaking and telling people that it is one perpetuates our irrational attitudes towards bodily functions.