Number Five

Planning orgies in Ontario just got a lot more complicated.  They aren't the easiest thing to plan at the best of times, but right now the challenge is extreme.

The government just announced that gatherings of more than five people are banned.  This leaves the door open for orgies, but just barely.  Three people is a threesome, four is a foursome, and five or more is an orgy, so orgies are still just barely legal.

There are some tricks to this though.  If you invite exactly five people to your orgy you have the problem that if anybody ditches you don't have an orgy anymore.  You might still have a grand time, but an orgy it is not.  During the best of times getting everyone to show up to an orgy is rough, and right now it is extra difficult between covid-19 and anxiety about covid-19.  Invite seven people and you might still not have enough, but if they all show up you are breaking the law, to say nothing of being extreme disease vectors.

However, we can get creative.  Hitting exactly five for an orgy is tough, but there are some exceptions in the government's five person policy that could potentially get us a venue for a larger group without breaking the law.

We could, for example, hold an orgy with up to ten people at a funeral.  I met The Flautist at a funeral so you can definitely pick up in that atmosphere.  A funeral orgy would require some real planning, but the flexibility to invite ten people and still proceed even if some of them decide to just mourn instead of have sex is useful.

Another exception we could use is to hold it at a child care center for front line workers.  This has some ... other challenges.  I suppose we could just invite ten people to a closet in a child care center, but I don't know that actually completing the orgy would be likely.  For some reason I imagine the police would have something to say about that.  The funeral plan looks a lot better.

The last possibility is holding it amongst your household.  Households larger than five people are allowed to hang out together, and nothing prevents you having an orgy amongst everyone living with you.  You just need a household where you have at least five adults willing to have an orgy already living together!  There is side benefit that if they accept the invite they can't beg off by claiming it is too far away or they don't have time - they are already there, and what else were they doing anyway?

It has been a long time since I lived in a household where an orgy amongst the residents would have been possible.  It wasn't ever going to happen in any case, but it would have been legal for us to do that back in 2001-2002.

So in Ontario it seems that your orgy options are quite limited.  A regular orgy ignores social distancing protocols, funerals are a tough sell for some people, and child care centers are full of children.  The only reasonable chance is to live with at least four other people in a household who all want to have an orgy with you.  Of course, if you already live in that situation you have it pretty good as far as orgies go!  Another example of the rich getting richer, it would seem.