A nice conversation

On Friday I went to a family party for a large chunk of my family in law.  I wasn't really expecting to click with the majority of people there, as I am quite a lot younger than them, live in a different country, and have nothing else in common.

But I figured I can make polite noises at people and socialize, when I have to.

Instead I ended up sitting beside an older American man who was yelling loudly about politics.  He led off with "And no government in the history of the world has ever done anything better than a private company would."

I was really going to try to not argue politics with these people... but I'm not made of stone!

I stood up and said "How about healthcare?" and the debate was on.

And by debate I mean he leaned in close to me and said "Fucking Bullshit!"  After recovering from my surprise I told him that the US has private healthcare that costs drastically more and delivers drastically less per dollar than any other developed nation, and then he told me that the profit motive is necessary because the land we were standing on would still be forest if not for profits!

I had some choice comments about how the natives living here when it was all still forest probably aren't such big fans of the effects of profit on North America but I figured if was to have any chance at progress I needed to keep my focus narrow and stick to health care.

Sticking to health care was not in the cards.  Before allowing me another word in he talked about how socialism was destroying the world because the Fed is just printing more money.  Also the Fed is controlled by 12 powerful families who are the real Illuminati and they are trying to make everyone their slaves.

Additionally, according to him, he reads 4 hours a day and is extremely well informed and intelligent.

Then he demanded to know what my wealth insurance was.

I was a bit surprised because honestly I had no idea what he was talking about.  It turns out that according to his sources when the great collapse happens the only thing that will have any value is gold and silver, so he is invested in gold.  They are the only thing that has retained value over the last 5000 years, don't you know.  (Not at all true, btw.)

I really, really wanted to tell him that my biceps are my wealth investment, because if our entire civilization collapses I will use them to take his gold if I have any desire for it.  I probably won't have any desire for it though because civilization just collapsed, so the only things I want are weapons and food.

Eventually a four year old dragged me away from the endless stream of nonsense, much to my relief.

He spent the rest of that evening leering at me at every opportunity, telling me what a great discussion we had, obviously trying to get me involved again, and he very clearly felt he had gotten the better of me.  Then we had another event the next day and he did it again.

This whole thing was really interesting inside my head.  Director spent the whole time thinking that there is no point at all in interacting with the crazy.  This guy is a right wing nutjob conspiracy theorist and nothing in the world a Canadian socialist will say will have the slightest impact.  The only thing I will do is upset the other family members there.

But Passion wanted to yell.  Fuck this guy, dominating the conversation with his nonsense.  If we have to talk about this stuff, then at least I should spend the entire evening tearing his arguments down around his ears so nobody mistakes it for fact.  Plus I can be savagely disrespectful and insulting if I want because if he doesn't ever want to see me again that is a bonus.

I felt dissociative, particularly when he was goading me, trying to get me involved in another 'debate'.  A sense of disconnection, of being far away from myself.  This is often the case when my two natures are at war.  Director wins, as is virtually always the case, but it is uncomfortable.  I feel Passion straining at the bars of his prison, wanting to get out and run amok.  Keeping him imprisoned takes energy, and gives me that dissociative feeling.

When we left Wendy asked how the event had been for me.  I told her it was a success because I avoided tossing the angry man out a window, and that seems like a win given the circumstances.

I think it is funny because people often accuse me of not having any filter at all.  I find that hilarious because no one has ever seen me with no filter for more than a few moments at a time.  I feel like I spend my whole life filtering most of the stuff I want to do out, keeping Passion locked away from the world.  Maybe someday Director will just throw his hands up in despair, walk away to a corner of my head, and say "Fine, I am not in charge in more.  *You* deal with him." and then I will only be Passion.

That will be an interesting day if it ever happens.