I have been doing my weightlifting regimen for 2 years now. I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the changes that have occurred and think about what goals I might aim for in future. When I started out I had a few benchmarks that seemed difficult but possible - primarily I wanted to be able to bench press 250 pounds. That was the maximum weight possible on the bench press in my high school and it seemed like a nice round number to aim for. I started off maxing out at 140, and for the first while I was able to consistently see the numbers go up. However, the machine at my place maxes out at 200 pounds so I can't actually test myself properly this way anymore. My best guess is that I am maxing out between 300 and 320 pounds at the moment based on ratios I found were consistent in the early going.
There was a point awhile ago when I thought I might be able to triple my original value and end up at 420 pounds. I am no longer convinced this is possible, barring heavy drug usage, and there is no way I am going to do any of that. My new round number to aim for is 350 since that is 2.5 times my base strength. While it is probably a while off yet I think it is a reasonable goal since I am still making gains even though they are much slower now than they were at the outset.
One of the difficulties here is that I am on the downslope in terms of strength training capability. Bodybuilders can have pretty long careers as far as athletes go, but once you are in your 40s your body's aging imposes too great a penalty to overcome. It takes years to build up muscle, which I think is why bodybuilders can go a long time, because at 20 you simply don't have enough years of lifting to have achieved your full potential.
I am turning 40 this summer and that means I am rapidly going to be hitting my peak possible strength and then will begin the slow but unstoppable decline from that top point. Probably I have at most another 3 years of potential consistent gains before the marginal benefit from another year of lifting becomes less than the marginal penalty of being another year older.
The question of how I am going to maintain my motivation once my numbers start dropping is a good one. I like levelling myself up and seeing progress - when that progress becomes negative it may be difficult to find the desire to keep hitting the gym as hard as I have. I have years yet to figure that out, but that point is coming.
I think if you had told me that I would be able to bench press 310 pounds by this point when I started I would have been impressed with that value. I am quite happy with that progress.
But hey, the main reason I wanted to start doing this was to look big and ripped. How is that part coming along?
The answer is partly good, partly bad. The bad part is that I want to be bigger, and when I look at myself I still see myself as the skinny kid is who is far behind me. That muscle dysmorphia hasn't suddenly gone away because I put on 35 pounds of muscle. I can measure myself and compare pictures and see the differences, but that fundamental view of myself as not quite measuring up is mostly unchanged. This isn't surprising, as most bodybuilders continue to compare themselves to others and find themselves lacking no matter how big they get. Much like many eating disorders it is all about the brain, not the body, and no matter how big or small you get the brain seems to think the same way.
I don't think my muscle dysmorphia is serious, or a problem. It makes me want to work out which is honestly a good thing for my health and I haven't taken on any bad habits because of it. It is just a thing that is there, and it doesn't seem like it will change.
On a more upbeat note I would say that my muscle gain and appearance change is really positive. The people that habitually see me naked seem to quite like the changes, and the people that don't see me naked are impressed, or at least notice. When I can manage to be objective I like the extra mass and I like the way I look more. I like the shape of my arms a lot more now, even if there is that voice in my head that keeps on telling me I am still way too skinny.
My upper body changes seem positive, to me, but honestly the lower half of me isn't particularly. My legs and butt are bigger, but they don't actually look better. I don't think it is a bad thing, but it is kind of interesting to me that my arms, chest, and back got a lot of definition to go with their size, but my bottom half just got bigger without any other changes in shape. I can see the beginnings of a bodybuilder's physique on my upper body, but the outrageous quads on a bodybuilder's legs are nowhere in sight.
As far as actual utility goes the strength is rarely used. I can lift and break things better than ever before, but the world is largely speaking designed for people much weaker than me so it seldom matters. I am healthier and in better cardiovascular shape too, which will make me live longer and be able to better flee zombies. One of those things is likely to matter.... the other, not so much. I am more useful when doing labour up at the cottage, and occasionally I hoist a lover up in the air just for fun and they seem to like that, but honestly when I consider the amount of time and effort I put into lifting the benefits don't seem quite worth it.
Still, even if the benefits aren't all the brochure said they would be I intend to keep going. If nothing else I may keep myself health enough that when we finally do invent something to make humans immortal I may still be in good enough shape to use it.
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