Friday, March 13, 2015

Two Minds, One Game

I have been playing World Of Warcraft quite a bit lately and have been examining it through the lens of my two personalities.  Passion finds WOW, particularly doing challenging raid content in WOW, to be thrilling and wonderful.  When I am able to sink fully into the experience and let Passion run the show playing WOW is a great experience.  As with most things Passion is happiest when slamming into a difficult challenge with nothing held back.  I think the primary reason behind this love is that The Director has no need to worry about what happens if Passion plays too hard.

When playing board games I want to use every possible tactic to win.  Passion wants to use the technique known as Popeing where a player tries to convince others to do something beneficial for the player in question.  Often it involves talking about how other people are winning, or pointing out strategies that benefit both of them but not other people.  I know that most people don't enjoy it when I do this so The Director has to stay in charge to keep things under control.  The game is still fun, but it is even better when Passion is in charge completely and no tactic is out of bounds.  That rarely happens in board games.

In computer games the pixel opponents do not have feelings.  They do not care if they win or lose.  All they do is try their best to kill me and my job is to destroy them in any way I can.  Passion can hurl me against my opponents with reckless disregard and The Director can be deep and silent, confident that Passion is having a grand time and nobody is being trampled in the process.

That describes much of my struggle in this regard really.  Passion wants to be unleashed, to attack, to scream and shout, to be a berserker.  The Director knows how much joy will come from that, but refuses to let Passion be in charge when it would be destructive to those around me.  This is true right from sex to games to socializing.  There is always a constant internal battle between duty and mad fervour.

It has been good for me to have that outlet, to experience the rush and intensity of Passion's zeal.  I know that when I can do that on a regular basis I feel better about everything and WOW provides a great way to find that.  Wendy notices this too, the sense that I have a deep well of satisfaction that comes from pursuing activities like this.  It gives me a reservoir of happiness that lasts throughout my day, even when Passion is quiet and far away.

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