Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Solitude, in need of

Last night Wendy was worried about me.  She asked why I had been so distant lately and wondered if something was wrong with me.  Thankfully I had an answer and it was one that she can readily accept:  I really needed time alone.  I enjoy the holidays and I do like getting to see old friends and family but by the time the first day back to school and work rolled around today I was going a wee bit barmy.  Normally after my yearly trek to the great white north there is a fair bit of chillaxing going on and some quiet time but this year we had a good half dozen special occasions and events scheduled in the week following our flight home and they really got to be too much at once.  In particular I really need a good stretch of time where my concentration is entirely my own and this is a hard thing to do when there is a five year old running around.  At any time I can be seized upon to be a horsey, create food or clean up a mess and that necessity for being on call wears me down more than I like to admit.

I know it is getting bad when I look forward to vacuuming.  Not that vacuuming is fun, mind, but I do it when I am home alone and I can do it exactly how I want to, exactly when I want to, and nobody interrupts me.  It might make a lot more sense to long for computer game time but my subconscious has evidently latched onto vacuuming as the thing that signifies solitude and so I long for it.  My fantasies clearly need some work.

The most amusing thing came today when Wendy called me to tell me that The Banker was coming over to visit me to learn and play the new game I invented called Dot.  My immediate response was to be extremely bitter and feel terribly put upon, which is quite ridiculous because I *love* playing the games I build and I look forward to having really clever gamers like The Banker test them with me.  I know when I am mad that someone is coming over to play board games because I won't be able to vacuum that I need to sit alone in my condo for a few days!  The Banker actually did a great job and handed me my first loss in Dot and came within one point of toppling me in FMB on his very first game so it was a good time and I got some valuable testing in.  The endless party that is vacuuming will need to wait for another day.

I wonder how I managed to be a salesman for so long.  How did I spend every day talking with total strangers or passing time by chatting with fellow salespeople without going completely bonkers?  I have such a desperate need to escape the world and just be alone with my thoughts and my computer that I just can't figure out how I lived that life.  Who am I, really?

Below:  The new game, Dot.


  1. Try to imagine how your grandmother who had 5 children and worked full time and is also a person in need of solitude coped for about 40 years without it. Yikes. BevB

  2. I think when you are a salesman you view the customers as a challenge you are trying to overcome, not as people.

  3. I SO get it. Do you remember the times Dad would take you guys on an adventure and I'd hang back to do laundry (or vacuum)? Me Time.