Monday, April 4, 2011

I am normal, really! ... I think?

A short while ago I posted about a sex dream I had.  I wondered if a lot of people would click away instantly when they read 'sex dream' in the second sentence of the post or if they would become suddenly intrigued.  My mother called me the other day to chat and mentioned that she had read that post and perhaps should not have - the warning was perhaps not worded strongly enough.  She said that she had learned perhaps too much about what exactly her son was interested in as far as sex goes.  I was a little surprised at that because I felt like I revealed really tame things that would be considered entirely normal and unsurprising; *talking* about those things in a place that your relatives can see it is strange but the preferences themselves weren't shocking in the least.  Roughly speaking I revealed that:

I have sex dreams.  (Like 99% of people)

I had one sex dream about a threesome with my wife, myself and another male stranger.  (Hardly unique.)

I am uninterested in men sexually. (Much like the majority of heterosexual men claim to be.)

I would find a MMF threesome mostly uninteresting, but would do so to arrange a MFF threesome.  (Unsurprising, but not necessarily the most common attitude)

Corollary to this last one is the idea that I am interested in a MFF threesome.  (Dead common.  In my age, gender and sexuality bracket one might say ubiquitous.)

I look at these things and I think that if you got honest answers from the vast majority of people like me you would find that these revelations are a pretty good approximation of the norm.  Of course my experience and understanding is coloured by the times in which I have been raised and the fact that I was not indoctrinated into any 'sex is evil' philosophies, religious or otherwise.  Clearly if you polled people who are much older you will find people raised in times where homosexuality was generally considered deviant/evil/unnatural and speaking about sex was not nearly as acceptable culturally as it is now and if you polled women or gay men you would find differing attitudes from my own.  These are going to change the answers you receive, but I am going to talk about the answers you would get from heterosexual men between 18 and 60.

There are plenty of things I could have said that would definitely have been way out there - you can read columns by Dan Savage or Sasha to get a good idea of the kind of stuff some people are into.  There are people who want to be dressed up in adult diapers and treated like a baby as a part of foreplay, people who want their spouses to go out and have unprotected sex with strangers and people who make women penetrating men with strap on pegs a major part of their sex life.  Not that I have any problem with people doing these things (the unprotected sex thing is a bad idea...) but we definitely can say that these are odd and unlikely things to be doing.  I certainly didn't reveal any sort of crazy sex secret to the world, I just placed myself firmly in the 'wants the kind of stuff most hetero males want' camp.  It might make all this more interesting if I had some really outlandish fetish to reveal here, something that would really make my parent's jaws drop... but I am quite boring in this regard.

Heck, if a random male was confessing his sexual desires to me for some reason and listed the things above and asked what I thought I would tell him that he is absolutely, totally normal.  If anything I would characterized this stuff as rather uninteresting and ask him if he had any really wild stuff going on.  With the speed with which attitudes towards sex are changing I wonder what sorts of things my daughter will see as 'totally normal' by the time she gets to be my age.  If she for some reason decided to confide in me that she was considering a threesome I would certainly tell her that she should make sure to practice safe sex but otherwise go nuts and have fun.  It wouldn't bother me in the slightest to know that she was doing that.  Maybe I have found the the thing that makes me odd in terms of sexual attitudes:  The idea of my parents having sex doesn't bother me at all and the same applies to my daughter.  I mostly just want them to enjoy themselves as I would for any other recreational activity they were involved in.  That right there might make me pretty odd.

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