Cheese and insanity

I am slowly working on eating cheese.  I talked about this a little while ago and at the time I was hoping to slowly acclimatize myself to cheese by eating a bit each day.  I have failed at that and have only done so a handful of times.  I suspect it is a bit like dieting in that it really changes my attitude towards food.  I know in the long run it will be better once I convince the deep, dark, primitive part of my brain that there is nothing wrong with cheese but eating things that are gross is a challenge to do when the reward is so questionable and so far off.  I have found one very strange thing going on when I eat cheese that I did not expect however:  I can really feel the two halves of my brain wanting and thinking different things.

By this I don't mean left and right brain, or indeed nearly any division we might normally assume, but rather the logical, conscious part of my mind is actively repeating that cheese is fine and I only dislike it because of 'the incident' and some other part actively screams

Warning warning, Danger danger!

In the past I always experienced my dislike of cheese as a gut reaction to the smell but now it is actually taking the form of a warning, or fear, instead of revulsion.  Somehow the back of my brain still desperately does not want me to eat cheese and has decidedly changed its tactics over the past few weeks.  The desperation and the strength of the warning has not decreased at all though, the only difference is that it takes an entirely different form.  It is utterly bizarre to me that somehow my logical understanding of the situation has transformed the type of reaction I have to it but has not changed the severity of the reaction.

I have not yet tried to incorporate cheese into food I would normally eat.  Thus far I have been spreading cheese on a cracker and choking the mess down at fairly random times.  I still dislike the idea of cheese enough that if my choice were to not eat a meal at all or eat it with cheese in it I would choose to go hungry and as such I don't think eating regular food with cheese in it is a good idea.  I don't want to be subconsciously avoiding meals or developing additional food insanities if I can avoid it so for the moment I will continue eating cheese on crackers whenever I feel up to a bit of a challenge.  I will step into the kitchen with a bit of trepidation, spread the cheese on the cracker with a resigned frown and chew it up with far more clenching of jaws and glowering than is normally associated with such a simple thing.

And eventually, presumably, I will get to like the stuff.  If not, at least I can hope to tolerate it.

Now it is time for me to go eat some cheese.  Unfortunately.