Sleeping with people

Wendy is away at a conference for 11 days right now.  It is not a happy thing for me in the short term but it is useful - spending time apart for a week or two each year is a very useful way to get perspective on what we mean to each other and what we want out of life.  It lets Wendy indulge her wanderlust and need for freedom which usually manifests in "Hey, let's move to Europe, like right now!" and that is a good release valve.

I do get a bit jealous.  It is hard to avoid that when emails consist of lists of fun places visited, old friendships rekindled, and parties.  I sit and think "wow, I would love to do that... except I can't leave the condo because, you know, responsibilities."  It is hard to chart a path that grants both of us the freedom that we want simultaneously, especially since part of the freedom we both want involves doing things that don't make any money.  The list of things you can do to solve problems shrinks when there isn't much in the way of money to throw around.

The thing that has been difficult for me this time is sleeping alone.  I have had a fair bit of adult company and generally been busy with lots of things but I struggle with going to bed and waking up alone.  I really want to snuggle someone before going to sleep and to have them nearby.  I cannot deal with people being up against me when I am asleep but apparently having them a meter away is important.  There is also something about that first half asleep snuggle in the morning, the fuzzy warmth and pressure, that is extremely powerful.  I even miss having pajamas tossed at my face in an attempt to get me to haul my carcass out of bed.

Funny thing is I can't tell if randomly popping someone else into my bed would actually change things.  It is very difficult to separate my desire to have somebody there with me, just to feel the warmth and hear the breathing, and my desire to have Wendy here in particular.  Unfortunately testing that theory out is logistically tricky, as you might imagine.