Benching marks

I have stuck to my plan of moving heavy objects around in order to become large and in charge.  Today was a benchmark day, as my bench press reached 180 pounds.  It is a benchmark both because I can finally bench my own weight, and also because it is a 50% increase over my baseline of 120, which was my max when I started weight training.  I have been at it for 6 weeks, adding on 10 pounds a week from my baseline.  It is kind of odd that my gains have been so linear, as I kind of expected it to be more of a curve than a straight line.

However, if it is a straight line I can just keep going this way for a year and be setting world records!  (I can see no issues with this plan.  After all, each week the percentage increase required over the previous week shrinks.  Mathematics is on my side!)

So obviously I can't maintain linear growth forever, but I am going to bust my ass to maintain it as long as possible.  Because I am alternating weights / cardio I get 3 weights days one week, then 4 the next.  This means that this week getting 180 up was rough, but I have four days of work to get up to 190.  I can feel it getting more and more difficult each week though, so I suspect the 200 pounds week is the one that is going to stop my linear progression.

When I look at myself a 50% increase seems bizarre.  I can see some small changes, but they are minor at best.  Certainly most of that increase comes from my left arm, as it was significantly weaker when I started but it has almost entirely caught up in strength.  Even so, my left arm doesn't look odd, despite it probably packing on a 75% increase over baseline.  I do look weird while actually *doing* exercises though.  I can see a lot of muscle strands twisting and bunching, sliding over bones, and generally looking all weird and gross.  I didn't see that sort of stuff at the beginning, so despite my resting state not really looking different there is obviously some renovation going on inside.

I shouldn't be too surprised at my appearance being relatively immutable though.  Last time I tried weight training about 13 years ago I doubled my base strength over 3 months with no change in appearance.  It is harder to add on that much strength in your late thirties than it is in your early twenties, no doubt, but given that I got where I am relatively easily I suspect I can manage to 240 pounds without taking extreme measures.

At some point though I will definitely run into the issue that the gym in my building isn't really built for serious strength training.  The 1 handed dumbbells there cap out at 40 pounds, and the multi machine caps at 200.  That isn't an issue yet... but in a month I may well want to be pushing past those limits and then I will need to go take my medicine and pay for a gym membership.  Blech!

The most interesting result of this whole regimen is the way it has affected my mind.  The primary thing I noticed is a decrease in my sex drive - which knocks me all the way down to twice as horny as any normal person.  This is probably a good thing!  As I understand it this is the opposite way things are supposed to go when you start exercising, so I suspect it is to due with the odd way my brain is wired.

Director isn't interested in pain, heat, or strength.  Passion, on the other hand, loves the idea of being strong and revels in being covered in sweat, smashing myself against steel, looking to be better than ever before.  I can get into a trance state with Passion in charge, roaring and growling, getting a massive runner's high from the strain and pain involved.  (When the gym is empty, I actually do snarl sometimes.)  Passion getting out to play like this means that the pressure from him to be out in a sexual way is far less pressing than usual, or so I suspect.  My theory is that I need to unleash the beast to placate him, and this accomplishes that end.

After rereading the last couple paragraphs it is becoming clear that words are failing me.  Do I refer to myself as Director, or Passion, or Sky?  When do I use he, when do I use I, and what are people thinking when I refer to different parts of my brain like this?  I need new and better words to properly communicate how all this works in my head, because baseline pronouns aren't quite right.